Against All Odds
by ExistInspire
Summary: Tragedy strikes at McKinley, as one of the members of New Directions deals with a realization that will change his life forever.
1. Insights

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Important Note:** I have sat back and watched the way this fandom reacts to the fictions that are written and how some of you can be downright fanatical in your hatred of the characters and the stories written. This story will not please everyone and I'm well aware of that, but if you do not have anything constructive to say in your review and you just want to review to spread hatred, you need to just not review. I won't tolerate bullshit on my story, review numbers going up or not. You either like it, and review, you either hate it and don't, or you review just to give me a heads up of constructive criticism which I am more then appreciative of. Either way thank you in advance for giving this story a try.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

**Authors Note:** You are going to need to expand your imagination big time for this story. It is extremely AU. It will make more sense what I mean as I go along here, but trust me when I say extremely AU. Keep an open mind if you decide to take a chance on this fiction. There are canon moments but they are scattered so you must look at this story as pretty much non canon. Thank you. In other news, this one's for the Berry to my Hummel. That's all that matters.

* * *

Something has been happening to me lately. Something that try as I might, I just can't explain.

From the outside looking in, you would think my life is perfect. I go to a fantastic high school, one that I'm student body president of. I've got really great friends, A Glee club that I'm proud to be a part of as we prepare for Regionals. I'm preparing myself for graduation and what life will bring for me once that's over.

Oh yeah, I'm also an out of the closet gay guy. It's just always who I've been and until now I've never had a reason to question it.

I've crushed on many a different guy since I came out, but no one really clicked with me or understood me until him. Kurt Hummel. It didn't happen right away the way it does with the majority of the world, mainly because of my fear of screwing it up, but once it did, I believed it to be forever.

When he moved to New York last year, at my intense prodding I might add, I thought that love would carry us through and it would all work out because of the fact that we loved each other so deeply. What I didn't expect was the separation anxiety and the toll that it would take on me; on us.

I cheated on Kurt while he was in New York. He was busy with his internship with Vogue, and we were spending less and less time together. Our Skype chats had become almost non existent, talking on the phone even more unheard of and I had just about given up. I knew that when he went to New York that it was going to take some dedication making it work but as the time passed, it just felt like we were being torn farther and farther apart. Life had gotten in the way of our relationship and I made a very tragic but also very human mistake.

Before I told Kurt how I really felt two years before, I did always have a fear that no matter what relationship I ended up in, that I would somehow fail and screw it all up. When I did what I did to Kurt and essentially to our relationship, I had proven myself right. I guess I'd be the perfect specimen for a therapist's chair but I let my own fears get the better of me.

If I could go back, would I do the same thing, make the same moves as I did then? I can honestly say that I know I wouldn't because I've seen the fallout, I've lived through the pain of it, both Kurt's and my own and I wouldn't want anyone, myself included to ever feel that way again.

So my life is anything but perfect. It's filled with happiness, tragedy, a little bit of magic, thanks to the people that I've had in my life for the past few years. It's held laughter and tears, and a whole lot of musical breakdowns. I'm sure the world is filled with people whose lives are worse off then my own but for me, the way I am perceived by the world is not even close to how I really am.

My crush on Sam is well documented. I sang countless times in the glee club, where the songs were directed in part at him and at what I had been missing since the gavel had fallen on Kurt and I. Sam represented everything I wanted, and everything I thought I could have. Deserved to have. So where most people have rebounds, the crush on him became mine. The fact that he was completely heterosexual meant little to me. All I knew at the time was that the way I felt when I was crushing on him sure beat the way I felt without Kurt in my life the way he had been.

When Sam spoke to me that night, accepting the way I felt about him even though the feelings weren't reciprocated it changed something within me. I felt like it was alright to be me and to feel the things that I did and that if Sam could accept it and look past it then maybe there was hope for me yet. Maybe I could finally accept myself. The new me. The me without Kurt.

Something happened three weeks ago that turned my life upside down. Everything that I thought I knew, I just didn't anymore and every day since it's had me questioning what I believed to be true. If I thought I could accept myself after Sam, well now I had to learn to accept myself all over again. Even if that meant admitting to myself and the rest of the world that maybe I wasn't what I said I was after all. Maybe I was something different.

All I know is that in the first time in what feels like forever, I don't feel so alone, so broken anymore, and I would give anything to make sure that I never feel that way again. Even if it means that I, Blaine Anderson, finally admit to being something different.

What happened three weeks ago? Well that's the day I met her.

Yes, Her.


	2. A Little Change Will Do You Good

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

******Authors Note:** You are going to need to expand your imagination big time for this story. It is extremely AU. It will make more sense what I mean as I go along here, but trust me when I say extremely AU. Keep an open mind if you decide to take a chance on this fiction. There are canon moments but they are scattered so you must look at this story as pretty much non canon. Thank you. In other news, this one's for the Berry to my Hummel. That's all that matters.

* * *

**Three Weeks Prior**

I was late for Glee Club rehearsal.

Given the hectic schedule I had been keeping as of late, it was not in the slightest bit shocking. When I had joined the Cheerios, it had been so that I could take down Coach Sue from the inside and really make her life as miserable as she had made mine, and every other Glee member she had come in contact with over the last few years. With her gone now, I had my chance to leave, but I stayed.

Cheerios practice always ran concurrent to Glee and it always made me late. No matter how fast I ran from the auditorium, or how early, I always ended up late to the choir room and today was no different. No, the only thing different about today was that standing at the front of the room when I entered was Mr. Schuester, Ryder Lynn, my fellow Glee clubber, and a girl that I had never seen before.

With me transferring from Dalton to McKinley the way I did the year before, there were a lot of people that came in and out of the choir room and the school for that matter that I didn't really know. So this wasn't surprising to me. Though with the exception of a few family members that popped in now and again to do random musical numbers with the group, lately there hadn't been any new additions.

This girl, she looked like one of us. With us being so close to Regionals though, whether she was our age or not, I really didn't believe that we'd be adding anyone new to the roster of members we already had. So what she was doing there, was beyond me. Feeling all eyes on me as I sat down though, I knew that I was the missing piece and we'd soon be finding out just who the girl was and just what she was doing there.

Mr. Schuester didn't disappoint.

"Now that Blaine's finally here, Ryder here has an announcement. So before we start this weeks project, I thought I'd give him the floor." He took a deep breath and spoke again. "Ryder you've got the floor."

The first thing I noticed as I sat was that even as Schue spoke, no one seemed to be all that interested. Kitty was filing her nails, something she did quite frequently when she was bored, Sam and Brittany were huddled up together, Brittany laughing at what looked to be another one of Sam's impressions. Tina was staring at me but trying her hardest not to look like she was staring at me, add in Marley and Jake cuddling on the two top chairs and the only one that seemed to be paying any attention was Artie.

Given the time before Ryder spoke gave me a chance to take in the new girl standing before everyone. She had red hair, not natural or rather 'from a box' as Kurt would say. She was short, in comparison to me and even with the two people that she stood in between. What caught my eye next was her eyes. I had seen a lot of blue eyes, some green, but when it came to seeing hazel eyes, it wasn't as common as you'd expect. Her eyes were the same shade of Hazel that I had myself and for some reason, noticing that shook me. It made me sit up and take notice.

Which is exactly what I did.

"Hey, my name is Cheryl Lynn and obviously this big idiot here is my baby brother. I hope you're all cool with it, but with me on break from Ohio State, I thought I'd come down and visit with him and get to know the people that he's spent the last year talking about."

Cheryl Lynn. Ryder's older sister.

Knowing who she was, and what she was doing there, realizing now that she wasn't looking to be the newest member of New Directions, took a tremendous amount of pressure off me. It wasn't only because we were already a close knit group that I was concerned about someone new joining, it was more that I had been trying so hard to prove myself through my talent since making the transfer that I didn't want to have to start from scratch again with a new member.

It was selfish of course. I knew that but it was the truth. I had worked so hard to be where I was now, and I didn't want or need anyone else coming in and turning all that hard work into nothing.

"With Cheryl being in town for the next few weeks and with her previous work with the show choir from her time at McKinley a few short years ago, I've invited her to sit in for the duration and maybe even help us prepare for Regionals. So why don't we go around the room and introduce ourselves. Give her a chance to get the know the people that Ryder has been spending so much time with. Blaine, why don't you start?"

I wasn't listening. I know it was horrible but I was so lost in my own thoughts that I wasn't paying any attention to what was taking place after Cheryl had introduced herself. I heard my name, that brought me back to reality but everything before that was a blur so I had no idea what I was being asked to do.

"Blaine?"

"Yes Mr. Schue?"

I heard him sigh and his body language as he did and knew that he wasn't in the slightest bit impressed. Normally out of everyone in the room, I was the most on top of my game in terms of paying attention. I also had no problem speaking up or out about anything. So I knew he wasn't happy that I seemed to be as disinterested as the rest of the room.

"Okay guys look. I know this doesn't seem important and you'd all rather be working on original songs for Regionals, or even just singing your favourite artists to warm up, but we have a guest and I'd hope that you all would treat her with the respect I believe she deserves."

That seemed to get everyone's attention. It wasn't often that Mr. Schuester was disappointed, but I think everyone in the room felt with his words now that he was. We were all guilty and he wasn't the only one disappointed. I was too. In myself.

"I'm Blaine Anderson."

"Or if you like, we just call him the hobbit. That one seems more fitting."

"Kitty that's enough."

Good Ole Schue, coming to my rescue. I was pretty sure that no one else in the room had noticed but when I said my name, I swore that I saw Cheryl smile, which for some reason made me smile, even bigger then I normally would have. I couldn't explain it to you, but the feeling I got seeing her smile, it just did something to my insides.

_Just what the hell is going on with me? You've been smiled at before by a girl Blaine, get over yourself._

When everyone was done introducing themselves, Cheryl and Ryder had both taken their seats, and it was time to get down to the business of rehearsal. The only part of the day I actually looked forward too. The part where my talent was needed and appreciated. I was fully prepared to sing a song, no matter what the assignment, when Cheryl spoke again.

"Mr. Schuester, can I suggest something?"

"Of course Cheryl. All idea's are welcomed in here."

"With you preparing for Regionals and all, and with it having been years since I've had the chance to perform in this room, I thought maybe for this weeks assignment we could do duets. It gives everyone a chance to use their voice and prepare themselves for what's to come."

"That's perfect. It's been awhile since we did a strict duet week. Alright guys, you've got your assignment. Team up in pairs and come up with a duet, any style and be ready to perform it."

With the assignment given, everyone started moving around the room, each of them gravitating toward the partner of their choice but before I could get up and attempt to make my way over to Tina, I saw the shadow of someone walk up on front of me.

"Ryder tells me that you're one of the most talented people in the Glee club. So Blaine Anderson, would you be my partner for Duets week?"

Just when I was getting used to my simple life, especially in the art of choosing partners for weeks where we didn't have to sing solo's, this had to happen. Cheryl Lynn had to ask me to partner with her.

I felt my face breaking out into the smile before my brain registered it and try as I might to stop it, it happened.

"It would be my pleasure."


	3. Cruisin'

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

**Important Note: **You are going to need to expand your imagination big time for this story. It is extremely AU. It will make more sense what I mean as I go along here, but trust me when I say extremely AU. Keep an open mind if you decide to take a chance on this fiction. There are canon moments but they are scattered so you must look at this story as pretty much non canon. Thank you.

**Authors Note:** You will notice that I will be going back and forth in terms of the timing. It will all make sense soon enough and the replay of the past will end in a few chapters once it's no longer needed. Thank you for any and all reviews this story has received thus far. It means the world to me truly.

* * *

**Three Weeks Prior**

There are few instances I hold close to me as life seems to move so fast that moments that should be held close can get lost easily. The exception of course was the duet with Kurt at Regionals. I was used to singing with the Warblers as a group, we worked very well together and it was a great fit but singing that duet with Kurt, well that can only be described as perfect. The one true perfect performance that no matter what direction my life takes, I never let go of.

Having to now sing another duet, without the backing of New Directions or even the Warblers, well, it was nerve racking for me. Would it even come close to the perfection of Candles, or would it just be another forgettable song that would disappear into space and time once it was over?

It's not the first time since my addition into New Directions that I have had to sing with a female member of the group and I was pretty sure that it wouldn't be my last but this performance, maybe because of my history with duets, it just made me more nervous. Which obviously showed to Cheryl because every duet she managed to mention, I would immediately find ways to shoot down.

"You know at some point you're going to have to stop saying no, and find a song that you can say yes to Blaine."

"I know. It's just hard."

My response had obviously intrigued her, or at the very least she was in absolute shock that I'd said something other then 'No, that's not right.' for the hundredth time that afternoon.

We'd agreed to meet in the choir room after school, with the blessing of Schue, complete with full band at our disposal, and I had to admit I was excited at first to find a song that would seriously wow the other members of the group when we sang it. What it was turning into though was far from what I'd originally wanted and imagined. I just couldn't bring myself to get into it.

"What about it makes it so hard?"

"I want to have the right song Cheryl. I don't want to do the same tired numbers that have been done before and I don't want to over saturate myself with a lot of the duets that are released these days. I want more. I want to actually showcase our voices."

She just nodded, as if she understood but she didn't speak. Which either meant she needed to think about what to say next or she really didn't understand and I was making a Diva out of myself. Sadly, if it was the latter, it wouldn't have been the first time.

"Are you sure that's all it is?"

_Dammit. She saw right through me._

"What else would it be?"

"Ryder told me about you and Kurt. How you haven't really wanted to do a duet with anyone since. I just thought that maybe because of how close the two of you were that maybe doing this with me was bringing up old memories and making the decision harder."

_Jesus, she's was good. Not only did she see right through me but she nailed the real reason for my inability to choose a song in the first five minutes of working with me. Am I really that transparent?_

"It's true, Kurt and I did have incredible chemistry when we were given the chance to work together. The same way we did when it came to our relationship."

"So I was right then?"

I nodded. There wasn't much else I could say to that. She was a hundred percent right on all counts. Yes the reason I had given her also played its part but the main reason I was so against this was because of the past. Something I had obviously not yet let go of the way I claimed I had.

"Well I've got one more pick. If you don't want to do that one either then it's up to you completely to bring me something we can do together. I know working with me isn't the easiest given that I haven't used my voice for singing in a very long time, but I swear if given the chance I won't let you down."

"What song did you have in mind?"

"It's better if you just hear it. Just naming it won't do it justice."

I watched as she motioned to the band almost as if she had set it up this way from the jump. It was obvious as they started playing that she had indeed told them about her song choice because it was almost effortless for them to begin playing.

Listening to the beginning bars of the song, I knew instantly what song she was talking about. It wasn't a song that was extremely popular given the movie that it originated from but it was the one song throughout the entire movie that I had related most to.

She held her hand out to me then, motioning for me to get up out of the chair. She wanted me to sing with her. To let go of the overload of thoughts I was letting dominate my mind, and just let go to the music and try as I might not to allow it to happen, I let the music overtake me.

I placed my hand in hers and I stood. As we touched I felt a shiver run up my arm and all the way down my spine, a feeling I hadn't experienced in what felt like a very long time. Also a feeling that I had never experienced with any other female, my moment with Rachel included and one I wasn't sure I felt entirely comfortable with.

_What the hell was happening to me?_

Instead of dwelling on it though, I chose to do what she needed me to do in that moment and that was sing.

Baby let's cruise away from here  
Don't be confused, the way is clear  
And if you want it, you got it forever  
This is not a one night stand baby, yeah

So, let the music take your mind  
Just release and you will find

You're gonna fly away, glad you're goin' my way_  
_I love it when we're cruisin' together_  
_Music is played for love, cruisin' is made for love_  
_I love it when we're cruisin' together

I hated to admit this but as I sang with her, I knew the song was the one I wanted to use. I could understand why she held onto it until the end with me. This one meant something to her, as proven in the way she sang it. It was what I imagined would happen when you let your heart sing instead of your mind.

I had been told before that when I really got into a song I was singing it was like I was floating, I was almost having an out of body experience because of the way the lyrics and music moved me, body and soul but I had never seen it up close and personal. I was seeing it now as I watched her sing with me.

It was amazing. She was amazing.

Baby tonight belongs to us  
Everything right, do what you must  
And inch by inch we grow closer and closer  
To every lil' part of each other, ooh baby yeah

So let the music take your mind  
Just release and you will find

You're gonna fly away, glad you're goin' my way  
I love it when we're cruisin' together  
Music is played for love, cruisin' is made for love  
I love it when we're cruisin' together

After she had begun singing she had moved away from me, which given the way I had reacted to holding her hand for the split second that I had, I was thankful for, but now as we both got more into the song, she reached out for my hand again and without a second thought I gave it to her. I had mentally shaken off the feeling of before, figuring I had read too much into it, but as we held hands again, the same feeling flowed through me to the point where I couldn't ignore it any more.

Something was going on here, something I couldn't control. I wanted to fight it, but the truth was, I liked the way her hand felt in mine. It felt natural, and safe and just, right. Which of course meant that everything was wrong.

I was gay. Gay men didn't enjoy holding a woman's hand this way. Didn't experience the feelings I was experiencing, it was just not unheard of. Unless there was something more going on, which up until now there hadn't been. I had no explanation.

She squeezed my hand then, bringing me back to the reality of the song and that we weren't finished. So throwing the feeling to the back of my mind again I just sang with her until the final notes faded. Not letting go of her hand for a second.

Cruise with me baby, ooh yeah ooh  
Ooh baby, let's cruise, let's float, let's glide  
Ooh, let's open up and go inside

And if you want it, you got it forever  
I could just stay here beside you and love you baby  
Let the music take your mind  
Just release and you will find

You're gonna fly away, glad you're goin' my way  
I love it when we're cruisin' together  
Music is played for love, cruisin' is made for love  
I love it when we're cruisin' together

You're gonna fly away, glad you're goin' my way  
I love it when we're cruisin' together  
Music is played for love, cruisin' is made for love  
I love it when, I love it, I love it, I love it, ooh  
Cruise with me baby, I love it when we're cruisin together

"That's it."

"What do you mean that's it?"

"I mean, this is the song we're going to do for this weeks assignment."

"Oh my god, Blaine! Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life. It's perfect."

Admitting it to myself though, it wasn't just the song that was perfect. It was the person that I was singing it with.


	4. Soul Searching

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

**Authors Note:** You will notice that in this chapter there is no warning of time frame like the previous ones. That is because for the sake of the story I've jumped back to the present time period. Unless otherwise marked, that's how you know. Thanks for any and all support this story has gotten thus far. I love you all.

* * *

It's no secret that I've been down this road before. Almost two years ago in fact and while I thought I had figured it all out back then, I'm starting to believe that maybe I had just been fooling myself.

Kurt's words to me after the kiss Rachel and I shared, and then the subsequent date that followed have begun ringing in the inner most part of my brain again. They've always been there of course, its not often I'm able to forget things Kurt has said to me but I had buried this conversation pretty deep, never to be visited again. I didn't realize how wrong I was.

_**"Bisexual is a term that gay guys in high school use when they wanna hold hands with girls and feel like they're a normal person for a change." **_

Was that really what was happening here? Was I going through a crisis of conscience, where I just wanted to feel normal again, after so many years of being on the outside? Or was this time different?

Kurt had said he looked up to me that day, that my knowing what I was and what I wanted was one of the things he admired most about me. The thing is, I wasn't sure that I knew back then and while I may have thought I did now, maybe I didn't. I was still young, maybe I was still searching for my place.

Up until that point in my life, meeting Cheryl and then singing the duet with her in front of the rest of the group, knowing the type of song that it was, I had never given much thought to an attraction or feelings for a woman, other then the five minute incident with Rachel, which at this point in my life I thought I had put behind me.

I had chalked that moment in time up to my inhibitions being lowered, and a lapse in judgement but now, here it was again, rearing its ugly head. Or in this case, with Cheryl, her beautiful head.

She was driven. She was talented, and she knew what she wanted and went for it, as she had proven when she chose the song she had for us. Knowing deep down that it was the right song, for both her and I and that it worked. She shared a love of music and knowledge the same as I, and she wasn't afraid of being who she was. Who she is. Using Kurt's own words, she was the mirror image of what he had seen in me back then, before our relationship even began.

Maybe it's perfectly natural to be attracted to someone that shares the very same qualities as yourself. That it's kismet. Finding the other person in the world that is the most like you and reaching for the stars together. I was always shown and taught that when you meet that person, that one person that mirrors you in that way, that you make them yours forever. It was what I thought I had with Kurt but maybe it's bigger then all of that.

All I knew for sure was that all of it was confusing and as much as I didn't want it too, it was starting to take a toll on me. Kurt was right you see, I had always known who I was and what I wanted and I didn't often shy away from getting it, but in the blink of an eye, the entire world for me had turned on its axis. I was afraid to go after what I thought I might want. I was questioning it, every step of the way. I was basically becoming the anti me.

I want to say that as time passed that it became more apparent one way or the other what was going on with me. That I knew without a shadow of a doubt who and what I was and that there was no going back but it just didn't happen that way.

What started that day in the choir room didn't end there after the duet. No with the passage of days that she was there with us, my confusion about myself and her just continued to grow.

I found myself waking up eager to get my day started again, something I hadn't felt in a long time. I'm sure to the outside world it just looked like I had latched on to another person that was completely unattainable and that I was using it and her as an escape. If it didn't look that way to others then at certain points it did to me and I questioned it.

I have no idea what to do with what I'm feeling. It's just building within me and there is no outlet anymore. I want to release it into the music the way I have always been able to do, but if I do, then I risk showing the entire world what's going on inside of me and right now with the amount of confusion I feel, I just can't do that. I can't put myself in that position again.

For all of the mixed signals and feelings I'm now overcome with though, the one thing that I can no longer deny is this. I feel something for Cheryl. Wrong or right, I feel something and I think I owe it to myself and to anyone else I might come into contact with as my life carries on to figure out just what that something is.

Once and for all.


	5. To Forgive, Divine

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

**Important Note: **You are going to need to expand your imagination big time for this story. It is extremely AU. It will make more sense what I mean as I go along here, but trust me when I say extremely AU. Keep an open mind if you decide to take a chance on this fiction. There are canon moments but they are scattered so you must look at this story as pretty much non canon. Thank you.

**Authors Note:** It should be noted that the song from Chapter Three was "Crusin" by Huey Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow. It was featured in the movie Duets. So if you want to hear the original, youtube it or watch the movie :) I also want to say thank you for all of the support and reviews on this story thus far. They really do mean a lot to me. Now on with the story.

* * *

**Two And a 1/2 Weeks Prior**

After our successful debut of our Duet assignment that week in Glee, Cheryl had suggested grabbing coffee at The Lima Bean and not one to turn down my regular medium drip I took her up on it. Wanting to spend more time with her brother, she had invited him along but he had declined, his ongoing conversation with Katie taking up more and more of his time, something that given the way things had been playing out disturbed me, and obviously caused Cheryl concern as well, but something we had both conceded on.

Being alone with her, given the random instances that had been taking place between us, at least for me worried me. I wasn't sure how to act or what I was even going to say. I felt like all of this was a riddle wrapped within a mystery inside of a big ball of confusion and the last thing I wanted to do was add more to it. I was having a hard enough time coping as it was.

"It's pretty clear what's going on here right? I mean I know what it feels like, talking to someone that way and instantly feeling some kind of bond, but its not healthy and I don't see why he doesn't just take a step back and really see it for what it is."

She had no idea how much meaning I found in just those first few words. How they not only applied to Ryder and his situation with catfish Katie but also how it could be applied to myself and what I was currently dealing with. Talking to someone and instantly feeling a connection. No I didn't have any experience with that feeling at all.

"Your brother, he's been through a lot. This person gained his trust and once they've got that, it's hard to just give up and walk away. Maybe he just wants to believe that there's another reason for the secrets this person is obviously keeping. He's choosing to see a better end here, he's trusting that this person really isn't doing it to hurt him. I can't really blame him."

"You're right of course. For all of his trust issues, he has always wanted to see the best in people and in every situation he finds himself in. I actually miss being that way."

Now she had gotten my attention. What did she mean by missing it? Why wasn't she that way anymore.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I used to be like Ryder. I saw the best in everything. I never questioned it, but the things I've seen, both before college and now being in college, it's changed me. Not to mention the relationships I've found myself in. It's left me more jaded then before. I don't really take anything at face value anymore. How about you?"

"Honestly, I still hope for the best. I've seen the hatred in the world, at times a lot of it directed at me and the people I surrounded myself with. I mean even at McKinley, there is still people whose sole purpose in life is to make others around them as miserable as them. It's hard to keep yourself optimistic in that case but I try as much as I can. If I don't, I become just as bad as the people that do the bad things."

She went silent then, which caused me a moment of discomfort. Had I said too much, or the wrong thing?

"You're right. I guess I never thought about it that way. Thanks Blaine."

There was that smile again. She'd been doing that a lot lately. She seemed to smile at just about everything, and as much as I hated to admit it, it got to me every single time, especially in those instances where she directed them at me. It filled me with so much joy, that I couldn't help but smile back and pray I didn't burst open at the seams.

It had been so long since I'd smiled this much, it had always been reserved for the times I had been with Kurt but doing it now, there was something just so normal and natural about it that I found myself not wanting to read into it too much.

"So Cheryl, Spring break was a few weeks ago."

"Yes Blaine it was, you're pretty observant for a hobbit. What are you getting at?"

"You're not really on a break from OSU are you?"

As I asked the question I saw her head lower and her shoulders slump. When I had put two and two together a couple of days before, I hadn't even planned on mentioning it, but I was curious as to what really brought her back to town. Was there more going on with Ryder then any of us really knew?

"If it's too personal you don't have to answer it. I'm sorry."

_Way to go Blaine, now kiss ass and make up for obviously upsetting her._

"No, No. It's not personal. I needed a break. I mean I spent Spring Break studying and immersing myself in work. While everyone else was out partying and living it up, I was locked up tight in my dorm room being the awkward girl I am."

"There is nothing awkward about you. Stop that."

"No, really there is. I've always been pretty solitary. I made myself a promise when I went to college, that I would be someone different then the person I've always been. I'd come out of my shell more, I'd embrace life. Turns out I was no good at that, so I just reverted back to the way I've always known. It became too much, especially after the breakup with my boyfriend and I realized that I needed a break. I needed to come home. So here I am."

She lost me at break up. I'm ashamed to admit that as soon as that word came out I got stuck there. If anyone knew anything about breakups and the toll they can take, it was me. I was still having issues processing on a daily basis what happened between Kurt and I. How much damage I had really caused by what I had stupidly chosen to do. All I had wanted after was a break too. A break from my heart.

"How long were the two of you together?"

I knew I was getting personal with her, that it might be best to stand at a distance given the confusion about her that I had been feeling but I couldn't help it, I found myself wanting to know more.

"A year and a half. He was part of the new me. Of course he was just as socially awkward as I was, which made us a match made in Heaven I'm sure, but like most things, time made it grow tired and well he decided he needed a change. A 5'8, blonde haired, blue eyed change."

_He cheated on her._

That revelation hit just a little too close to home. I was sitting across the table from the female Kurt. Even as she spoke, I could see the pain etched across her face. That was the same pain I had seen in Kurt's expression months ago when I had admitted what I'd done. A look I had hoped never to see again.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for Blaine. You weren't the one who did it."

"Yes I was. I mean not to you of course, and I'm sure not in the same way. But I cheated on Kurt, so I just need to say sorry."

"Why did you do it?"

That was the million dollar question wasn't it? Cheating was never a word that would have entered my vocabulary before but now that I'd done it, no matter what my reasoning for it, I would always be judged for it and rightfully so.

"Kurt and I got together his Senior year. Once he graduated he stayed behind here in Lima for a little while, partially because I just wasn't ready to let him go. As time passed, I knew that he would be better served being in New York. It was always his calling and if we were as serious about each other as I believed us to be, I needed to let him go so he could achieve his dreams. Well he left and nailed this very important internship. More and more time passed where we played phone tag, missed our nightly Skype chats, and basically I was feeling more alone then I was 'together', if that makes sense and when the offer showed up. I took it."

Again she had fallen silent. Seconds turned into minutes, and the longer she went without talking, I felt like dying inside. I knew it was bad, what I had done, I lived with the fallout every single day but seeing it show itself in front of me right now, months later, well it stung. I wanted her to say something, anything.

"Do you regret it?"

My answer was instant. There was no doubt in my mind about it.

"Every single day."

She reached across the table then, and touched my hands, locking her fingers in mine. It was the most natural of movements, done by countless people, all over the world but as it happened to me, all of the feeling rushed to my head and I felt dizzy from the effects. Before I could give myself a chance to process what was taking place though, she spoke again.

"Everyone makes mistakes Blaine. Dustin made them, or didn't make them depending on who you talk to, and you made one. To err is human, to forgive, divine. Just remember that."

Just when I thought this girl couldn't surprise me anymore she went and did it again, quoting Alexander Pope the way she had. Regardless of that though, what she said was the truth, a truth I had spent the last few months trying to come to terms with, but that she summed up so easily, in one short statement.

I smiled then, not because she was smiling because she wasn't. Not then. I smiled because for the first time in what felt like forever it seemed that someone actually understood me and didn't judge me for the mistake I'd made. It was in that moment I knew. She was helping me. Helping me find me again.

And my life would never be the same.


	6. Reality Check

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

* * *

**Two Weeks Prior**

"Alright man, I got Beiste to let me out of practice early. Met you here like you asked, so you wanna tell me what's so important?"

I had put some serious thought into what I was about to do. In fact I had been up the entire night before going over it, still completely unsure if it was the right thing to do but seeing no other alternative. If I dealt with this alone any longer then I had been, I might seriously lose my mind.

Texting Sam earlier in the day, asking him to meet me in the empty choir room because I needed to talk was something I had never done before but I was otherwise at a loss. I needed to get this out, and with the only other person on the planet besides Kurt that I knew I could trust completely with it.

"Somethings wrong with me Sam."

"Dude are you sick? Because if you are I need to stay away from you. We've got a big game coming up in a couple days and I have to be in top shape for it."

"Not that kind of wrong Sam. Like personally wrong."

I knew I was confusing him. Everyone always looked at Sam, with his blonde hair, blue eyes and below average grades and saw just another dumb jock. I knew him differently. I knew him to be smart. Smarter then most people ever gave him credit for. With as confused as I was feeling though, I could have confused a scholar with the amount of beating around the bush I was doing.

"I'm lost man. What exactly's wrong with you?"

"I'm conflicted. I'm feeling things I shouldn't be feeling for someone. I can't get them out of my head and ever since they came back to McKinley, I've been spending a lot of time with them and actually finding myself wanting more."

I studied Sam as I spoke. I was hoping he would be able to read between the lines and realize who I was talking about but judging by the look on his face, he was just as confused as when I started.

"I know you like me Blaine. We've been over that already and I told you, I'm cool with it. I mean I don't feel the same but it doesn't mean I'm going to tell you how you should feel."

_Well of all of the responses I had been expecting, that hadn't been one of them. _

"Sam buddy. It's not about you."

"Oh." he paused for a minute and then spoke again. "Then who is it about? Did you meet a new guy?"

"Something like that."

"Look man, I love you like a brother but you aren't making any sense and if you want my help, I kinda need to know what the heck is going on so I can actually help. So why don't you just lay it on me and stop being so evasive."

He had a point. I knew I was doing it. I also knew why I was doing it. I wasn't ready for the reaction. With as hard as it is for me to deal with on my own, I can't even begin to imagine how someone on the outside who only knew me as one kind of person would deal.

I had to tell him the entire truth though, otherwise like he said, he'd never be able to do what I needed him too.

"It's about Ryder's sister."

"Cheryl? What about her?"

"I like her."

"Don't we all? Look if I wasn't with Brittany and she looked at least half interested, I'd totally hit that."

_Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all Blaine._

"No I mean I think I really like her. It's tearing me up inside. I've spent my entire life being one way and this happening, its turning everything upside down. The time I spend with her leads me into wanting to spend even more time with her. To learn everything I can about her. To get closer to her, in every single way you can imagine. I just don't know what the hell to do with everything I'm feeling."

"Wow."

"We worked on the assignment last week, which lead to coffee at The Lima Bean, and nights on the phone before bed every night since. I know it sounds stupid but even hanging up at night is hard for me. I don't have any one else that I can bring this too that will understand my being conflicted this way Sam."

"Does Ryder know?"

"I have no idea how much or how little Ryder knows. I don't even know if she feels the same about me for crying out loud. All I know is that I like her, and I shouldn't like her, at least not the way I believe I do."

When Sam was deep in thought he had a habit of running his fingers through his hair, constantly pushing it to the background and away from his face. He was doing this now, in spades. Like he was struggling with what to tell me to really do. How to help me.

"Dude, you're gay."

"Now you see my problem."

"You have been through this before though man. This isn't the first time. So even though I know that you think you're gay, maybe you need to start accepting the fact that you aren't. Like the people that love you; really love you, will love you either way. You assumed before that you were gay because of where the majority of your attractions took you to, but up until Kurt you hadn't even had a real boyfriend and no real experience with the female persuasion because of the attraction to guys. So you never found the real you. Maybe this, whatever it is with Cheryl is trying to show you who you really are."

Everything he was saying was right. It was all of the things I had pushing down for the last week since she showed up at McKinley, not really wanting to deal with. I had been so sure of who I was, that I wasn't ready to open myself to the possibility that maybe, I really hadn't met the real me yet. That I was still discovering him.

"You're right."

Sam smiled bright, one of the very things I used to find so breathtaking about him. It was strange but as he smiled that way now, I didn't even give it a second thought except to realize it wasn't affecting me in the same way anymore.

"I know I am." he paused before continuing. "Seriously though man, you know what you need to do? You need to figure out what exactly it is you want and who you really are. You need to decide and accept that decision and then you need to talk to Cheryl because if you do like this girl, you can't move forward until you know exactly where she stands."

He was utterly and completely right about everything. There was only one problem. Was I really ready to take stock of myself and possibly be a new person? Or was the safety of the way my life was now, all I could actually take?


	7. Colors Of The Wind

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

**Two Weeks Prior**

My conversation with Sam still fresh in my mind the next day, after another sleepless night going over everything he had said and everything I was still wrestling with, that weeks Glee rehearsal was the last thing on my mind as I entered the choir room.

As I sat down I looked around the room. Of course I was searching for her, my mind doing it on a minute to minute basis already it was only fitting that my eyes follow suit. As I scanned past the group I realized quite quickly that she was absent. Ryder was there, sitting in his usual chair, talking sports with Jake as he often did, and every one else seemed to be accounted for but not her.

Had she gone back to OSU already? Without saying goodbye? They had spoken on the phone as was their usual for a little bit the night before and she hadn't mentioned anything about needing or wanting to go back but nothing else could explain away the fact that she wasn't here now.

My heart beat at twice its normal rhythm. I felt that at any moment I might scream from the sheer panic that her not being there seemed to be causing me. Was it possible that I had become so dependant on her already that her absence was actually causing me pain? Could I really miss her that badly?

Before I had the chance to overload my brain with even more pointless scenarios to explain away her absence, Mr Schuester chose that moment to speak, bringing my attention back to him and putting the extreme emotional disturbance to the background. There was no way I was going to get caught again not listening. The last thing I needed was more disappointment.

"Well guys, it's been a long time coming but this week I think we're finally ready to tackle it. I can't think of a better way to get us all motivated for Regionals."

I wondered just what he meant by us being ready to tackle this weeks assignment as he walked to the white board and began writing. Before the word was even half finished I knew exactly what he meant, and he was right, it really was a long time coming.

Definitely worth the wait though.

"This weeks assignment, which can be done in pairs, or singular performance style, is Disney. Any song from any film adaption or sequel that you find that you most identify with."

The noise that travelled through that room when Mr. Schue was finished, was ground breaking. There had been excitement over different assignments before, some louder then others but this one was by far the heaviest in sound. It was obvious that I wasn't the only one looking forward to finally tackling a Disney song. Apparently the rest of New Directions was as well.

I listened to the chatter for awhile, noticing everyone's acceptance and happiness over the choice and as happy as I was that I could finally do those Disney numbers I'd been holding back on for years, I couldn't bring myself to join in their excitement. Because now that Schue was done speaking, all of my thoughts went back to Cheryl and just why she wasn't there in the room with us, for such an epic announcement.

"Hey Ry, where's your sister?"

I had to check myself for a minute until I realized that it hadn't been me that had asked. It wouldn't have been the first time that I just blurted something out without thinking but once I realized it was Sam asking, I was more then thankful to him for taking the load of finding out off my shoulders.

"She said she had something she needed to do and she'd meet up with me later."

"Oh cool. Well tell her I said hey."

_What was the something that she needed to do? Was she avoiding me? Did I say or do something on the phone that I don't remember and she's keeping her distance?_

My head was drowning in why's and what's and I knew it wouldn't stop until I figured it out. Or until I found her and she could tell me why she missed Glee. I also knew that I needed to work on this weeks assignment as I was super excited to finally get to sing my favourite Disney song. Breaking away from the rest of the group, I headed in the only direction I knew when I wanted some quiet alone time with myself and my thoughts.

I headed straight for the auditorium. My sanctuary. The one place that no matter what I was going through, I could go to and sing until everything made sense again.

As I got to the door, closed as it always was at this time of day, I heard what could only be described as Heaven's Angels singing. Or at least one of the Angels. It was the most melodic voice, with perfect pitch and each note hitting its mark.

You think you own whatever land you land on  
The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim  
But I know every rock and tree and creature  
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name

You think the only people who are people  
Are the people who look and think like you  
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger  
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon  
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?  
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?  
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?  
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?

Opening the door quietly, and sliding myself in, making sure the door didn't slam shut behind me, I took a few steps in and made my way up against the wall and just watched.

I knew the song of course, it was the song from Pocahontas. This voice though, sounded nothing like the Vanessa Williams version. No she was making it her own. Every move of her lips, singing the words deliberate and pretty perfect. I could barely make out but it looked like she was lost in song, her eyes closed and her body just barely swaying as she continued.

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest  
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth  
Come roll in all the riches all around you  
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers  
The heron and the otter are my friends  
And we are all connected to each other  
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends

I had heard her sing before of course, having done the duet with her the week before but watching her now, really taking her in, when she didn't realize anyone was watching, it was somehow much more personal. I almost felt like an intruder on the moment but the more I listened to her, the more I realized that I was right the first time I heard her sing. It really was her heart singing and not just her voice controlled by her mind.

Every note, every single breath was guided through the song by her heart and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

How high does the sycamore grow?  
If you cut it down, then you'll never know  
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon

For whether we are white or copper skinned  
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains  
We need to paint with all the colours of the wind

You can own the Earth and still  
All you'll own is Earth until  
You can paint with all the colours of the wind

As the accompanying music played its final beats, all I could do was stand in awe. She was amazing.

Before I knew it, I was making my way down the ramp and closer to her, all the while putting my hands together and clapping, knowing it was going to call attention to myself but no longer caring. I had just walked in on one of the most beautiful musical performances of my life and there was no way I could just let it slide without letting her know just how amazing a performance it was.

The closer I got to the stage the faster my heart began beating, more then a little excited for her and about what I had just walked in on. I climbed the steps on the stage as fast as my legs could move and I sprinted for her, all the while all of Sam's words playing in the background music of my mind, which was what I had just witnessed her sing.

"I'm sorry, I know you weren't expecting anyone to see that, but Cheryl, my God you were amazing. That was so beautiful and inspiring."

I wrapped my arms around her immediately bringing her close to me, taking in the scent of her hair as I did and realized that in this moment right here in the middle of the auditorium, it was the most at peace I had felt in forever, previous moments with her included. Holding her the way I was, even for such a short period of time, it made my heart swell. I felt like I was back where I belonged.

I was home.


	8. A Whole New World

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

Authors Note: This is a continuation from the last chapter, hence the wording at the beginning. It picks up right where the other chapter left off. The songs used within the last chapter and this chapter are Colors Of The Wind from Pocohantas, and A Whole New World From Aladdin. Thank you for your support.

* * *

**Two Weeks Prior – Continuation**

"You really thought it was inspiring?" she asked as she pulled out of the embrace.

There was a part of me that as she pulled back, wanted to grab her and bring her back to me. I felt warm with my arms around her, safe even. Like nothing in that moment in time could touch me and I didn't want to give it up for anything.

"Did you not hear yourself Cher? You sounded fantastic and inspiring isn't even a strong enough word for what I just heard. It was phenomenal."

I watched as her cheeks went from their regular peach shade to a darker shade of pink. She was blushing, and instantly I felt my stomach drop. All the way down into my feet. If I had thought her smile was getting to me, it held nothing on her blush. I had accepted, at least in part that I was developing feelings for her, slowly, but with each passing event, seeing the new reactions she was bringing out in me, it made my confusion that much stronger.

This wasn't just another glee club girl to me, or someone that I considered a friend. No the reactions that were emanating from my body spoke of such a stronger sense of connection that there could be no denying it. She was much more then just another girl to me. She may just be the girl of my dreams. Which was a scary prospect, even with the level of acceptance I was beginning to reach.

"You're blushing."

"Am not."

"Are so. Do you want me to find a mirror and show you?"

She rolled her eyes and I couldn't help but laugh. Something that lately was also new to me. Laughter. Feeling enjoyment from something or someone. All new experiences I was finally getting the chance to relive since it felt like a long time since I'd felt them at all.

"Laugh it up Hobbit. You know I could smack you for being here and invading my space."

"Yes, you could but I don't think you will. Part of me thinks you actually enjoyed having an audience, even if it was an audience of one."

She smacked me on the shoulder lightly and laughed, causing my heart to swell up again, something I was going to have to get under control if I was planning on spending any more time with her then we already had.

"I'll never tell."

"So I figure you found out before the rest of us about Disney week?"

She raised her eyes in confusion. "Actually no, I had no idea. This is just one of my favourite songs and I haven't sung it in ages. It's nice to finally get the chance to again. What's all this about Disney week?"

As I explained to her what the newest assignment for the glee club was, I watched in wonder as her eyes shone brighter and her lips cracked into one of the biggest smiles I think I'd ever seen her wear. When she smiled like that, or smiled in any way it was hard to remain focused, but I forged on.

"So I guess by the look on your face that you're extremely glad you came back now?"

Laughing, while still smiling bright she spoke. "Yes actually. For more then one reason, of which I will never admit too. Though Disney week. I would have killed for a week like this when I was going here."

_For more then one reason. Just what did she mean by that? Could it possibly have something to do with me?_

Pushing my questions to the back of my mind, wanting instead to focus on the reason I'd come here to begin with, I took her hand.

"So Miss Lynn, now that I know your voice is even more powerful then before, would you do me the honour of helping me with my own assignment?"

"You want my help? How?"

"Sing with me. My all time favourite Disney song is actually a duet and while I had planned on taking both parts on myself, just because of the sheer enjoyment I get out of singing this song, it really would probably sound a heck of a lot better, if it was actually done the right way. As a duet. So what do you say? Will you sing with me?"

She blushed again, causing my insides to go outside and the heat level of the auditorium to rise significantly. As the seconds ticked by all I could do was wait with baited breath for her answer.

"Of course. I'd be honoured."

"Well alright then."

Hooking my iPod up to the portable stereo that Cheryl had been using only moments before, I scanned quickly for the song, the instrumental version that I owned that I happened to sing too pretty much every day since the day I'd purchased it. As the sound filtered through, the opening bars of the song wafting slowly through the entire space we now stood in, I nodded in her direction.

"You ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

I can show you the world.  
Shining shimmering splendid.  
Tell me princess now when did you last let your heart decide.  
I can open your eyes.  
Take you wonder by wonder.  
Over sideways and under on a magic carpet ride.

A whole new world.  
A new fantastic point of view.  
No one to tell us no or where to go or say we're only dreaming.

Her eyes started off looking around the auditorium, but the more I sang, the more they settled and now her eyes were locked on mine. As she got ready to sing her part, I took her hand and held it. Not because I wanted to touch her, but because I wanted her to feel comfortable with me, singing this song, just the way she had with me in duet week. I wanted to pay it forward.

A whole new world.  
A dazzling place I never knew.  
But now from way up here it's crystal clear that now I'm in a whole new world with you.

Unbelievable sights. (Unbelievable sights.)  
Indescribable feeling. Soaring, tumbling, free-wheeling.  
Through an endless diamond sky.  
A whole new world.

Don't you dare close your eyes.

A hundred thousand things to see.  
Hold your breath, it gets better.

I'm like a shooting star.  
I've come so far.

I can't go back to where I used to be. (A whole new world.)  
A whole new world.

With new horizons to pursue.  
I'll chase them anywhere, there's time to spare.  
Let me share this whole new world with you.

As we sang she cradled herself into my arm and instead of looking out at each other we looked out into where the audience would normally be sitting. It was such a powerful feeling standing here with her singing this way, each with our own parts, almost as if we were singing for a sold out show, but it was only a show of our own making.

I had been so afraid up until this past week, of doing another duet for someone, especially someone that I might not have had feelings for the way I had for Kurt when we had done ours but the more of them we did, it just proved that even if there was feelings involved with Cheryl that I had nothing to fear. She wasn't going anywhere. We were a team.

Oh a whole new world. (A whole new world)  
A new fantastic point of view.

No one to tell us no or where to go

Or say we're only dreaming. (A whole new world)  
Every turn a surprise.

With new horizons to pursue. (Every moment gets better.)

I'll chase them anywhere, there's time to spare.  
Anywhere.  
Oh there's time to spare.  
Let me share,  
this whole new world with you.

With You. A whole new world.  
A whole new world.  
That's where we'll be.  
Where we will be.  
A thrilling chase.  
A wondrous place.

As we sang the final lines, we had turned back to each other, our fingers intertwined together much the way they had been at The Lima Bean only a few short days before, only this time, we were lost in the music, and as close as two people could be as we sang together.

For you and...me.

Looking down into her eyes as I sang the final line, I found myself floating, completely lost to the song and what I was feeling. What I had been feeling this entire time and just had never acted on. Without a second though I put my hands to her cheek and stroked it gently, never taking my eyes off her and closing my own, i leaned down and placed my lips to hers. Completely lost to the moment, knowing there was no going back.

I was being guided by my feelings, but if my feelings had guided me to that point, my mind was about to bring me crashing back into reality. After my lips had touched hers and she had instantly responded, no hesitation, I realized what I had done.

I had kissed a girl, and I liked it.

I wasn't supposed to like it.

Pulling away quickly, I looked into her eyes, saw the confusion laying there through her hazel eyes. Probably the same confusion that was mirrored in my own and I took a step back. Reality had set in and I had just made a huge mistake.

"I'm so sorry. I can't do this."

As fast as I could move, I ran from the stage, not thinking about my iPod, not thinking about how me leaving would make her feel. All I knew was that I had to get out of there before I made an even bigger mess of things then I'd already done.

"Blaine wait!"

I heard her calling after me, and as I finally made my way to the door, I could have sworn I heard a sob. the sound of which just about made my heart bleed. As much as I wanted to go back to her though and reassure her that everything was fine, I knew that I couldn't.

Because everything wasn't fine and I didn't know if it ever would be again.


	9. I Don't Wanna Know

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

**Authors Note:**I'm going to be keeping with the first person dialogue within this story but for this chapter, and maybe one at a later date (to be decided), I have switched gears in that I am writing it from Cheryl's perspective. I do not believe you can have a romantic relationship without knowing both sides and I seem to have an easier time stepping into someones head and letting them write it for me then writing it third person, at least for this story so as you read this chapter, keep that in mind while reading. Thank you for any and all attention this fiction has received thus far. It mean's the world to me.

* * *

Life was hard at OSU. No one really knows just how hard as I've been keeping it pretty low key but when I made the decision to come home when I did, it was more then just needing a break that brought me back.

Dustin and I had been on the outs for awhile. Neither one of us would sit still long enough to actually have a conversation about it. I knew that he was interested in someone else even before he told me. There were signs and they were often written all over his face. I just didn't care. It was easier just ignoring it then actually having to stop and acknowledge it. My life had been complicated enough in the past and I wasn't looking to repeat it. So i feigned ignorance. I knew what was happening but I just didn't care.

That had been happening a lot around that time. Me not caring about things I normally would have cared about. I can't entirely pinpoint when it started. All I knew was that it was happening and my lack of caring in most areas made me not care about fixing it.

I was a pretty private person, not going out of my way to make friends, other then the few I'd had since High School. I put all of my focus on my school work, my job, and making sure I was there for Ryder every night like clockwork.

It was in the middle of one of these conversations that he told me what happened to him when he was younger. The babysitter and what she had put him through and in turn what he had become because of it. I may not have cared about anything at that point in my life but if there was one thing I did care about, it was him.

We had been close growing up, but definitely not as close as we had become since I'd graduated and left McKinley. It was apparent at least in our case that absence did make the heart grow fonder, at least in terms of family togetherness.

Mom and Dad were never around, not for me when I was younger, with them both working such horrendous hours and definitely not for Ryder. It's no secret that I held a lot of resentment towards them for that, more for Ryder then myself. Especially after Ryder told me about the molestation. I held them accountable and still do, though I don't go out of my way to admit it as it only makes things worse.

It was after this revelation that I realized I needed to come home. If my parents weren't going to be there for him then he needed someone, even if that someone was his more then slightly anti social sister. Whether he wanted or needed me there or not.

The Dustin situation had reached a head and I had finally made the choice to end it given that at this point he was more then just interested in other women, he was actually dating them. With the pain of that (yes there was pain even though I claimed to not care), coupled with what my little brother was going though, thrown on top of the fact that my non committal attitude was starting to affect my grades even though I more then studied enough made the decision to come home the only move I could make.

So home I came and the first place I ended up was McKinley High. I wanted to surprise my little brother while at the same deal with the lingering issues that I still had from my time there. I wasn't exactly an outcast but I wasn't popular either and had more then my share of what is now deemed bullying during my formative years there. I knew I needed to confront that because if I didn't then I might never be the person I was meant to be. So coming back was two fold. It would heal me and possible help Ryder.

Enter Glee Club. During my time in high school the club was a laughing stock. No one really took it seriously, and it was my belief that no one ever would. I tried out for it of course and was even a part of it for awhile. At least until the harassment became too much to take and I moved on, instead choosing a different life path for myself. The music was always inside of me though, they very same way it is now with Ryder. It was my escape then and his escape now. So in coming back I knew just had to be a part of it.

Enter Blaine Anderson.

In our nightly calls Ryder always raved highly about his talent more so then any of the others and once I had made my return I wanted to see this talent up close and personal. The duet week was the perfect solution. It gave me a chance to do what I really enjoyed doing when times got tough; singing, and it gave me a chance to see if all the fuss Ryder made about the guy was accurate.

It was more then accurate. He was a phenomenal performer as our duet together proved the day we got to finally perform it. From the beginning though I knew there was more underneath the surface with Blaine. Like he was going through something or at the very least dealing with something that was causing him a great amount of pain. With all that Ryder had told me I had assumed it had something to do with his long time boyfriend Kurt Hummel.

So I did something so completely out of character for me. I made it my mission to get close to Blaine, to find out everything I could about him and what he was going through and help him. There were so many times that I had wished both in high school and even in college that someone, anyone would just reach out to me, and let me know that whatever I was feeling was okay and that in the end it would turn out the way it was meant too. I wanted to be that person for Blaine.

It was innocent. It wasn't a real plan but it was just something that once I came upon it I just had to do. What I didn't count on happening though was growing as close as I did to him in the short time we spent together.

He was and is such a beautiful soul that I suppose its only natural that one would grow close to him the way I did. He opened up to me quickly, maybe because in dealing with him, I used the same methods as I often did with Ryder and it just seemed to flow. I didn't try to be anyone other then myself with Blaine, the same way I was with Ryder and it just made everything so much easier.

That was of course until we started talking on the phone every night. Once that started happening, I could feel instantly that things were changing. Something more was going on and I was pretty much powerless to stop it. That, or I just didn't want to stop it.

When we were around each other, I would notice things about him that I found cute, like his eyes, the way his nose was shaped, how kissable his lips looked, especially when he had this thinking face on. I mean there was no limit to the amount of things that I began noticing about him. I even went so far as to find the performances he had done all the way from his Warbler time to his McKinley time and study them, watching how into the music he seemed to get, the smile that never left his face the entire time, as well as the way his body moved and adapted to every performance differently.

I want to say I did all of that in an effort to learn about the person I was singing with, but it was more then that and I'm pretty sure if he knew the lengths that I went too, he would think I was crazy, but I did it none the less. Seeing him that way reminded me of myself and the way I felt about music when I sang. It was the same as an artist's ability to watch a still painting come to life around them. I was watching Blaine come to life in the one way that he could without fear of judgement.

I learned so much from watching him that way, and then studying him in the choir room, let alone our conversations on the phone and our random times where we hung out together. I was also learning about myself at the same time. When we were together like the day at the Lima Bean, no matter how serious the conversation got, I was happy. At peace. Both in heart and mind. On the phone it was the same way and the more we did it, the more I realized that what I felt was more then just a need to help him. No it was definitely much more.

I liked him. More then liked him if I was completely honest with myself. In realizing that though I realized that I was again going for something that was completely unattainable and I was rapidly becoming a sick joke, both to myself and surely to the people around me, if they noticed what was taking place.

I was a hag. You know, a female that ends up having feelings for a gay male. When they know that nothing can ever happen but not caring anyway. Maybe even the type of girl that believed that she would be the one to make him straight. I wasn't quite that bad but I'm sure if anyone figured out the things I was feeling, that it was the way it most likely look.

I liked the way I was around him. I found myself being a lot less closed off then before and opening myself up to him and in turn to Ryder as we spent more time together. I started caring again, even though I had promised myself long ago that I wouldn't ever again. The time spent with Blaine was changing me and I liked the person I was changing into. In fact I remembered her vaguely and was happy to see her making her comeback.

I knew I had to take a step back. That what I was feeling, no matter how great it felt, wasn't right and I decided then and there to take a step back. Even going so far as to skip a chance to sing with my brother and leaving glee rehearsal behind to just spend some much needed time alone. With myself the way I needed too.

I thought I might be able to do it too, that was until he walked in the auditorium and spun the world on its axis by kissing me. One of the very things I had allowed my mind to think about over the course of a couple of weeks and here he was doing it and it was amazing. I swear my entire body had electrified the moment his lips touched mine which made kissing him back that much easier.

As simple as the kiss was easy though, the confusion that sparked because of it was not. As often as I had imagined what Blaine would be like to kiss, it was just that. Imaginary. Because it was just something I knew could and would never happen and here it was, breaking the reality boundary. Slamming right through it in fact.

When he pulled way, I could have sworn I had felt my heart actually ache. I would be lying though if I said that I found his pulling away unexpected because I didn't. I had known that it would happen. Whether it was the feeling from the song that had caused him to do it, or just a morbid curiosity about what it would be like to kiss a girl, I knew it wouldn't last. I just didn't expect it to hurt quite so much when it happened.

He bolted from the auditorium so fast I didn't even have a chance to process it all, and even though I managed to call out to him to come back, it had fallen on deaf ears and so it should have. I had entertained the thought of being with him, probably more then I should have and by running away he was clearly telling me in no uncertain terms that what had happened just wasn't working for him and it was a mistake.

So while I had believed strongly that my coming back to Lima was a good thing, I knew in just mere seconds of time that it wasn't. I should never have come back, to McKinley or to Lima in general. My life had taken me away for a reason and trying to recapture whatever it was about myself that I assumed I had lost, had been nothing more then a tragic mistake. One final dream of the eternal dreamer.

With my mistake behind me there was only one thing left to do. I had to leave before I caused Blaine, or anyone else for that matter any more pain because of my selfishness. I had to face facts once and for all.

I didn't belong there.


	10. Reflections

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

* * *

So what do you do when you're a confused 18 year old unsure of whether he is actually gay the way he has always believed or is really bisexual given the way a member of the opposite sex has been making him feel?

You kiss the girl of course!

Well no, that's not exactly true for most but it is what I did. If that wasn't bad enough, not only did I kiss her but in the total span of about a minute and a half I also took off on her too. Did I mention already what an amazing catch I am?

If I'm completely honest with myself, right now I really miss being drunk. When I kissed Rachel two years ago while under the influence everything was just more fluid. There was less thinking and a lot more action involved. Even when Kurt and I went to the bar that night to meet up with Sebastian, and I put the moves on him in a very obvious and strong way, it was just easier. Inhibitions were lowered, no thinking was needed. I was able to let desire and pure feeling take over. Which obviously when you look at every instance, has made things easier on me.

I'm pretty sure that it didn't make anything easier for the people that I was interacting with. I know how Kurt felt that night, in fact I completely understand his reaction. He was completely right about everything he said and did back then, but not having to think about it when you're someone that obviously over thinks things, was just very liberating. Even if it was very wrong.

All the kiss with Rachel did when we were drunk was make her more interested and in my own defence, while I had stopped drinking after that night, she hadn't. She had continued, enjoying the feeling just a little too much and wanting to keep it. Another method I completely understand. Given the things she went through back then, it made sense to me. Who doesn't want that chance to just forget their troubles every once in awhile. That's what being drunk does for all of us. It gives us a chance to block out the rest of the world and it's crap and just lower our defences and have fun. At least that's how it affected me when it happened.

When faced with the thought of sobering up and having to go back to worrying about things or stressing out, who wouldn't want the party to continue? Like I said, I understand both Kurt and Rachel and the way they reacted in our singular instances of alcohol abuse. It's in that understanding that I find that things might be easier if I had been drunk when I kissed Cheryl. Then maybe I'd be able to explain it away, to myself and to everyone else, including her.

When I went to the auditorium that day, was it my intention to kiss her? Of course not. If I'm completely honest I didn't even know that she was going to be there. I went there to sing, and to think period. That doesn't mean that in the last couple of weeks I hadn't thought about what it might feel like to kiss her. Kiss any girl really. But it really hadn't been my intention to go that far, especially with as conflicted as I was already feeling.

Everything about the kiss felt right. From the taste of her lip gloss the moment our lips touched, to the scent that wafted from her hair, almost seamlessly pulling me in deeper. The softness of her lips as mine closed in on them. The way she effortlessly opened herself up to me in kissing me back affected me to the point that if my brain hadn't kicked in, I might still be back in that room, song finished, still kissing her now. Or at least wanting to do it again.

I admit, I don't have a whole lot of experience when it comes to kissing. There was what I did with Eli, the kiss with Rachel and then the many moments I had with Kurt but I have to believe that what I felt when I kissed her was the way it was supposed to feel. In fact for a split second after our lips touched it felt about as right as it did the very first time I'd kissed Kurt at Dalton. Different because of who it was with but none the less the same.

If it all felt amazing and so right then why did I run?

I ran because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of screwing yet another good thing up. I'm afraid of not being what she expects me to be. I'm afraid because even if I have kissed a girl before, I haven't kissed this girl before and I'm not sure how to deal with all of the feelings that come along with it.

I never had to question whether or not I was gay. I just knew it about myself but now, with each passing day, I find myself questioning if I'm bisexual. It's not just something I know and can accept. How can I make her see that? When I'm pretty sure she's as confused as I am now, especially with me tucking tail and running from her.

Sam said I needed to figure me out first and what did I go and do? I went and kissed the girl, putting even more conflict into an already mammoth sized situation that I hadn't yet dealt with. I went about everything backwards and even as I sit here, it's ripping me apart from the inside. If I had just listened to him and taken the time I needed to come to terms with everything I was feeling, I wouldn't be where I am now.

Alone. Afraid. Confused. Conflicted. Lost.

All of the things that were the complete opposite when I was around her. I wasn't alone, I was part of something. I wasn't afraid, in fact I was happy, at peace even. There was a confusion under the surface but it was buried down when I was around her. I never felt lost. In fact it was the opposite and I felt that for the first time since the breakup with Kurt, that I was found.

Could I really fix this, take Sam's advice and follow it after what had happened? Could I give myself the time to come to terms with everything, taking the time away from her and just figuring it all out, so that I wouldn't make any more mistakes?

Maybe it is human to make mistakes, but when you kept making them after being shown a way around it, it wasn't a human error anymore. It was stupidity. Which was never something I had ever considered myself. I was smart. I made the right choices, lived my life right and never intentionally hurt anyone.

So why was it that now, I seemed to be only doing that? Hurting the people I cared about. First Kurt, and now Cheryl.

The first step in changing anything is acknowledging it. I was acknowledging it. I didn't want to become the guy that hurts people. I had been hurt enough in my past to know that. So what do you do after you acknowledge something you don't like about yourself that you wish you could change?

Well you change it of course. Which is exactly what I was going to do.

It was time to be a better me. A better Blaine. No more excuses.


	11. Tragedy Strikes

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

**Authors Note: **Okay so the flashbacks are done from this point on. It's also about to get really dramatic so buckle your seat belts folks. Thanks again for reading, I appreciate each and every one of you.

* * *

**Present Time**

"So you did a drive by then?"

Leave it to Sam to come up with a name for what I did a few days before. Even with the stupid nickname for it, as entertaining as Sam was trying to be I just couldn't bring myself to find anything funny about it.

"Sam, come on. It's not funny."

"I know it wasn't but if you frown anymore then you are right now I'm actually afraid your face may melt off. Not a sight I wanna see."

"Well I think I have more then enough reason to be upset."

"You do. You're right. Have you tried talking to her since it happened?"

"Every way I can think of. I mean I'm trying to stay cool about it all and not just lay it all on her at once, but I've tried calling, texting and even waiting around near Ryder to try and see if I can catch her. So far, no response."

"Hmm. Have you tried talking to Ry about it? I mean if you really want to talk to her and she isn't picking up or just standing around waiting for you, then maybe your best bet is to go through him."

He was right of course. That was the logical course of action that a normal person would take. I just wasn't normal. I didn't know how much Ryder knew at this point, if anything and I didn't want to make anything worse by involving her brother in it when it really was something personal to the two of us.

"I don't wanna involve him."

"Then you better get used to never resolving anything with her then."

Before I could shoot back with a comeback, Mr. Schuester made his way into the room and up to the whiteboard. It was new assignment time, the time of the week I most looked forward too, but right now, given everything that had gone down it was the furthest thing from my mind. Again.

"Everyone ready for this weeks assignment?"

With a few call outs from Jake and Artie and nods of approval from Tina and the other girls of the group, he went back to writing on the board and I went back to brooding. Something I had gotten more then great at since that day in the auditorium.

Why wasn't she at least answering my texts? Even if all she wanted to say was screw off to me, I would take it right now. Not hearing anything, and only reaching an answering machine when I tried calling was starting to drive me crazy. With worry.

Maybe I had gotten too used to speaking to her on a daily and nightly basis. So not doing it was messing with my new routine. I know that I shouldn't put so much stock in the way things were but I liked the way it was and I really didn't want my stupidity to ruin it.

"You selfish son of a-"

Before I knew it I was being pulled from my seated position by none other then Ryder Lynn, the very person that only minutes before Sam had told me that I needed to talk to. He didn't look in the least bit happy. Which could only mean one thing. He knew.

He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and while he wasn't much bigger then me when you compared us both, I was not a violent person and wasn't about to do something both of us would later regret. I had already done enough of that this past week. Plus there was a part of me that wanted him to hit me. It'd be a lot better coming from him then if I hit myself.

"Hey! That's enough Ryder!" Mr. Schuester yelled making his way across the room with record speed and putting his arms in between a very angry Ryder and myself. "What the hell has gotten into you?"

I want to say that I was thankful that Schue had broken it up before it went any further but that would have been a lie. Like I said, I was brooding and I honestly wanted someone, anyone to kick the crap out of me and teach me a lesson for what I'd done to Cheryl. I no longer cared about myself anymore. Giving into my own selfish need was what had brought this all around in the first place. I deserved it.

"Why don't you ask him what the hell got into him Mr. Schue? I'm sure he'd love to tell you about what he did."

_Well that couldn't be any further from the truth, but I understand his point._

"Blaine, do you have any idea what this is about?"

I couldn't speak. Yes, I knew what it was about and yes I was the cause of all of it but I couldn't bring myself to admit it out loud. Not to try and save my own skin, but because I was ashamed about it. So I did the only thing I could do and I nodded.

"Speak up man. Tell them what you did to her! I'm sure everyone would love to hear what a fine upstanding guy you are!"

There was no denying that if Mr. Schue backed off, even an inch, Ryder would connect his fist to my face. I had no idea how much he knew, or what part of it had fuelled him up this much, but I had to figure any bit that he did know, he really didn't like.

"Ryder enough! Back up. Everyone just calm down."

At this point Sam, who had been sitting beside me, and really was my best friend had rallied around me, his height a serious advantage should a fight have broken out. He stood to my left and he was ready for a fight. Something that while I found respectable, was not needed. Like I said, I deserved it.

"Can someone please tell me what this is all about? We don't act like this in this room guys. You have a beef with each other, we always talk it out like civilized human beings. So someone better speak up."

I couldn't do it, but it was obvious Ryder didn't have the same problem as I did. He was more then willing to talk. Even if everything he said was spewed from anger.

"He chased my sister out of town is what happened."

"What do you mean he chased her out of town?"

It seemed that I had a lot to thank my teacher for because he asked exactly what I wanted to know. This was the first I was hearing about her leaving town. Had the failed kiss and my leaving really made her leave?

"I called her an hour ago. We were supposed to meet up for a coffee break before coming here since football practice was cancelled. When she answered she told me that she was sorry but that she had to go back to OSU."

"What does any of this have to do with Blaine?"

"It has to do with him because 'Mr. I'm so gay' over there has been spending the last two weeks messing with my sisters head. Making her feel things for him when he knew that he wasn't the least bit interested in her. He used her. Got all of her attention and then when she was primed, he kissed her and then ran out on her."

The entire room was focused on me now. Their eyes staring holes into my back and sides. The secret was out. The entire room now knew what an ass hole I really was. It wasn't something I could keep quiet, or deny anymore.

"Is this true Blaine?"

"Yes."

"Wait, no it's not. Blaine tell them the truth."

As much as I appreciated Sam, especially lately given the amount of advice he had given me, now was not the time I wanted his help. No, I was going to own this. If Ryder really believed that everything that had happened was because I was using his sister, messing with her then I wasn't going to try and change his mind. Or anyone elses for that matter.

"See he admitted it! Let me at him. I'm going to make him pay for what he did to Cheryl."

Ryder motioned in my direction again and I flinched. I wasn't a violent person and as much as I believed that I deserved what was coming from the younger Lynn, I didn't relish the idea of being beat up. I still had nightmares of the living hell I lived through at my old public school and that was for being gay. Using someone that didn't deserve it, that had its own special brand of punishment.

"Ryder calm down! Sam what do you mean tell the truth?"

My friend wasted no time explaining. At least as cryptically as he could.

"There's more going on here then Ryder or Blaine are saying right now Mr. Schue. He's not telling you the entire story. He didn't use her."

Before he could question me further, which I assume was his next step based on Sam's confession a ringing interrupted the moment. Everyone began looking at their phones, determining who was getting the call and then all eyes fell on Ryder.

"Hello?"

There was nothing but dead silence for the next couple of minutes as Ryder paid complete attention to the person on the other end. I was secretly hoping that it was Cheryl and she was going to walk through the choir room door any moment and put an end to all of this, or at least allow me too, but as Ryder's face fell, it became increasingly clear that was not going to be the case.

"What happened? Is she alright?"

_It was about Cheryl._

" I'm on my way. I'll call my parents."

As Ryder ended the call and looked up, his eyes looked clouded over, and I swore that I could almost see tears beginning to form in the corners. His face, that had been shaped into a scowl the entire time he had been in the choir room was now quivering. With each passing second, his body began to shake until he fell to the floor from the sheer magnitude of whatever he had just heard.

"Ryder what is it?"

"It's Cher, Mr. Schue. She was involved in a car accident on her way back to OSU and she's in critical condition. They can't get a hold of my parents. They told me to get there as fast as I could."

He broke down then, the tears I had seen forming only minutes before now flowing freely down his face. Through the sobs I could make out bits and pieces of words. He was worried what he was going to do without her. He had allowed his mind to already go there, to a place where she wasn't around anymore. Something he couldn't come to terms with.

This had to be some sort of joke. Only a few days before she had been fine. So joyful and full of life. It had to be a sick joke because there was no way that she was lying in a hospital room right now with no one there with her fighting for her life. It just couldn't be possible.

"Okay guys, rehearsal is off this week. Pack up your stuff, we're going to the hospital."

I felt Sam's arm on my shoulder and I looked up at him. There was an unspoken moment between us. I had to be there, and Sam understood.

No matter what we had been through before, we had never experienced something like this and if I had felt horrible before, thinking I'd chased her off, it didn't even compare to what I felt now.

This was all my fault.


	12. Should've Known Better

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

* * *

From the looks of the hospital from the moment we arrived, it was pretty obvious that it was going to be almost impossible finding out any sort of information about what had happened to Cheryl. It was overridden with people, some with wounds that were quite serious, to other less serious cases, as small as a common head cold.

It was amazing just how busy the ER was at any given time. Nearing evening the way it was, it was obvious this was the hospitals version of rush hour. Thank God Sam and I had driven over with Mr. Schuester, because right now he was possibly our best shot at finding Cheryl and finding out just how bad the situation really was.

Ryder wasn't very far behind us as we made our way up to the admittance window. Before Schue had a chance to enquire about Cheryl, her brother did it for him.

"My name is Ryder Lynn, my sister Cheryl was brought in a few hours ago. Injuries from a car crash. Can you please take me to her?"

The woman behind the counter, an intake worker obviously given her lack of a lab coat, starting typing information into her computer, Ryder giving her as much information as he could remember from the top of his head as she typed. Within a few minutes, she had found what she was searching for.

"They took her into surgery immediately. Let me see if I can find the Doctor for you."

As she took off for destination unknown, hopefully to come back with the information we needed to find Cheryl, I noticed Ryder staring at me. It was obvious that he had something he wanted to say, having used the car ride over to calm himself enough to do what needed to be done. I can't say I was looking forward to another verbal beat down. Or a physical one for that matter.

"Just say what you wanna say Ry."

"You're the reason she's here. Just remember that. If she dies, I will never forgive you."

_Well that was harsh, but not unexpected. _

"Listen dude, you need to chill out. You don't have a clue what was going on between them so you blaming Blaine for her accident isn't helping anyone, least of all Cheryl. So just shut up and focus on your sister."

There weren't many times when Sam snapped but apparently in an emergency situation like this, he did. I respected the fact that he had my back, even with the situation as dire as it was but nothing either of them were saying mattered right now. All that mattered was Cheryl. Not this pissing match that was taking place.

If Ryder wanted to hate me and believe that I had singled out his sister to intentionally hurt her, then I couldn't stop him. Part of me agreed with him anyway. So what was the point of arguing with him about it? It didn't solve anything.

"I think you're the one that doesn't know what really happened Sam. All the information you've got is this liars word."

"ENOUGH! Both of you. This is not the time nor the place."

Good Old Schue to the rescue. At least someone still had their priorities straight.

"No Mr. Schue. I'm done with this. Ryder needs a wake up call. Out of respect I'll take it outside but I will not shut up. Blaine didn't cause this any more then he intentionally set out to hurt her emotionally, if he did do that."

I would be lying if I said that Ryder rolling his eyes then didn't piss me off because it did. I fully accept the fact that I brought on these events but the fact that he wasn't even a little bit open to hearing the truth was starting to bother me. It was more then just concern for his sister that had his walls up. No, he just didn't want to believe that someone wasn't out to get him or his family. All those trust issues Cheryl had mentioned to him. As much as he saw the good in people, he couldn't do it now and it was frustrating. Maybe Ryder wasn't much different then his sister after all.

"Mr. Lynn, would you follow me please?"

The lady behind the desk was back. Which meant we were now going to get some answers. Or at least Ryder was. Which was a step in the right direction. At least the only direction I wanted to follow which was getting as close to Cheryl as I could to find out exactly what had happened.

As Ryder and Will followed the nurse back in the direction she had just come from, I was left with Sam, and the rest of the anxious New Direction members. All of us bothered by what had happened, some more then others, and confused as to what we all should be doing now.

"I'm sorry man, but I couldn't take him going off on you again. Not when he doesn't have a clue about any of it."

"I know. It's fine but Schue was right. This isn't the place or time for it. Cheryl needs all our attention right now. She's the only thing that matters. Look, I need to get some fresh air, come get me if they come back. I wanna know what's going on."

With a small smile to the rest of the group I made my way back out the Emergency Room doors until I felt the cool breeze hit my face. Breathing in, I took in everything that had happened and thought about just what my part in all of it really was. How much responsibility was on me for the condition Cheryl was in right now?

Had my confusion caused this? And if it had, was there any way I could fix it?

So lost in my thoughts as I was, I didn't even notice when a shadow towered over me. At least not until that shadow spoke and hit me like a dagger through the heart.

"Oh thank God you're okay Blaine!"

Familiar arms wrapped around me then, pulling me deeper into them. The arms I had spent two years of my life loving being in. An embrace that even if I had lost all of my senses I would still somehow be able to know. It was just that familiar.

"Of course I'm okay. Kurt, what are you doing here?"

"I came down to visit Burt and stopped into McKinley and asked about you. They said you'd gone to the hospital and I thought the worst. I think I broke speed records getting over here. I'm just glad to see you're okay."

Pulling away from his embrace, putting my hands deeply into my pockets, not wanting the physical contact or the way it made me feel, I looked at him. Really looked at him. The man I still very much loved. Time passes and feelings lessen but they don't entirely fade and that was what was taking place with me now. I loved him, I would always love him for what he had meant to my life but time really had begun to heal the wounds. Or else someone else had.

"It was Ryder's sister. She was in a car accident. A pretty bad one from what they told Ryder."

Kurt gasped and immediately reached out to me. Before he could make contact though I took a step back.

"Not now Kurt. I just can't do this with you right now."

He had a way, from the moment I met him all the way straight through our relationship where he could look at me and I swear he could see inside my soul. He could read me better then anyone else. That's another thing that comes with the passage of time. The one thing Kurt had made into an art form.

"There's more going on here. I know there is."

"You're being ridiculous."

"No I'm not. It's something about this girl. It's destroying you and don't tell me it isn't. You're incredibly bad at lying and hiding how you really feel."

I couldn't argue with him. He was right. I couldn't lie. Holding back what I had done with Eli even for the short time that I did just about killed me inside with each passing second. I just couldn't lie. It wasn't in my DNA.

"Fine, you're right. Are you happy now?"

"No Blaine I'm not. Seeing you in pain doesn't make me happy."

"It should."

"Blaine Devon Anderson! What the heck has gotten into you?"

I couldn't take it anymore. I had been holding all of it in for too long. Before I knew it my mouth opened and everything just spilled out, in a hot mess all over both of us and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"Cheryl Lynn has gotten into me. She's made me question every part of myself that up until three weeks ago I thought couldn't be questioned. I can't get her out of my head. Her voice, those lips, the way her eyes light up every time she smiles. It's all in there on a continuous loop. I see her when I'm dreaming and again when I wake up. She haunts me."

"She...haunts you?"

Kurt choked on the words, obviously trying to put it all together and make sense of it. I know he had heard me right. The use of the word she. The fact that the person I couldn't get out of my head was a female.

"Yes Kurt. She."

"Don't tell me you got drunk at another party and kissed another 'Rachel'. Blaine what did I tell you about this?"

If I was a violent person, or had enough strength in that moment to do more then cry, I would have slapped him. I knew this would be his reaction which is why I didn't want to even speak to him about it but if I wasn't prepared to hear it before, I most definitely wasn't ready right now.

"I wasn't drunk."

"What do you mean you weren't drunk?"

"I mean I kissed her but I was completely sober when I did it and for your information Mr. High and Mighty, I enjoyed it and would give just about anything to be able to do it again."

Even as the words came out of my mouth, I doubted if they had really come from me. With all of the confusion and upset over the last couple of weeks this was not something I would have expected myself to say. For the first time, I sounded pretty damn sure of what I wanted and I wasn't backing down, even faced with Kurt's disapproval.

"This isn't you talking right now. Blaine, you aren't into girls. You're gay."

"No Kurt, you're gay. I'm bisexual. And I've spent far too long denying that fact."

"Now whose being ridiculous. Surely you don't really believe that? Didn't your time with Rachel teach you anything?"

"Rachel was different but it should have been a wake up call. I'm different. Yes I like guys, but is it such a stretch to believe that maybe, just maybe I might like girls too?"

He laughed then and I had to hold myself back from hitting him. There was nothing funny about what I was saying. Standing before me now wasn't the same boy I'd fallen in love with. No, what I had done to him and the life he was living in New York had changed him. If he had been the same Kurt, I have to believe he wouldn't have laughed at my struggle.

Was I to blame for this as well?

_No. Do not go there. Kurt has to own the person he's become just like you have to own the person you are. _

"I can see you're conflicted Blaine, its crystal clear but sooner then later you better wake up and get with the program. Stop looking for ways to be normal and accept the fact that you're gay."

I'd had enough. Looking back through the door of the hospital, seeing the bare shadows of my friends still standing where I'd left them shortly before, I knew that I was done with all of it. All of the confusion, the conflict, the worry over how it would all be perceived. I finally knew in that moment who I was. Who the real Blaine Anderson was and Kurt or no Kurt, there was no going back.

"How about you accept it for me. While you do that, I'm going to go back to being me. The bisexual me who is worried about the girl in there fighting for her life. You want the gay me so badly, you can have him. I'm done with him and with you."

As the words left my lips I had never believed in anything more. It may have taken weeks but I finally realized what it was that I wanted and what I wanted was her. Now I just had to find a way to make her come back to me.

As I turned away, wanting to get back inside, Kurt spoke and I stopped.

"Blaine please, think about what you're doing."

"I have. Goodbye Kurt.


	13. What's Left Of Me

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

* * *

"**A place for everything, and everything in its place."**

Now to some people that might mean, that everything material has its place but that is not how I looked at it. No, the way I saw it was something much more complex. It's been said that everything in your life happens for a reason, teaching you, guiding you, bringing you from moment to moment on a greater path of enlightenment so you can become a better person. When I hear this quote, that is exactly what I think about.

As I stood outside of Cheryl's hospital room, willing my feet silently to move the way I needed them too, that quote had never become more clear and more needed. Everything did have it's place and there really was a place for everything. In my case, there was a place in my heart, a part I had thought was closed that needed somewhere to be. Someone to fill it.

I had found that person in Cheryl. I had done everything in my power to sabotage it but at the end of the day, no matter what I did and what had happened throughout our short time together, the facts remained the same. We were good for each other. She made me whole again. I made her heart sing again, I was sure of it, even if she wasn't awake to tell me the words herself. I just knew. It was an unspoken truth.

Life had thrown us into this continual ball of confusion and conflicted feelings to teach us something. That we weren't the people we needed to be but that given a chance, we could be those people if only we opened ourselves up to it.

It might have taken me weeks, complete with a tragic accident to finally make me see the truth, but what mattered was that I was here now. I knew the person that I was supposed to be. I was no longer running from it. Instead I had chosen to run toward it and if some higher power could see past all of the stupid things that got me here, and let Cheryl wake up, I would prove to them that I didn't the chance for granted.

I loved her. I knew this now. Most of all I could admit it, and wanted to admit it to anyone that was in distance to hear me.

I wasn't just Blaine Anderson, a gay senior at McKinley High School that happened to be the former boyfriend of one Kurt Hummel. I wasn't just an amazing singer in New Directions. I was so much more then that. She made me see that without even realizing it.

As I opened the door to her room, careful to make sure Sam had indeed taken Ryder out of the vicinity the way he promised, the first thing I was hit with was just how much she would hate this room if she was awake to see it. It was dark, it was cold and most of all, it lacked her light. Her colour. It was missing the very piece I was standing here now hoping to gain. Her heart.

I moved closer to her bed and seeing a chair to my left, pulled it closer and sat down, placing her hand in my own the way we had done in times before. I wasn't disappointed because even though she had no clue, the feeling for me still remained as with all the other times. My breathing was relaxed, my heart beat just a tiny bit quicker per beat and my entire body warmed from the electric heat that came from the first contact.

I had heard the Doctors earlier when they had explained her condition. That the traumatic blow she took to her head had knocked her unconscious. That to reduce any further trauma they had put her in a medically induced coma. That every moment that passed, was a moment she spent fighting for her life. That at any time she could come back to them. I heard him say that while there was no concrete proof she could hear them that it was welcomed for Ryder to sit and talk with her. That maybe somewhere deep inside she could hear us and it might make her fight even harder to come back.

Which is what I hoped was the case now. While I had really messed up with using my words before, instead going strictly on actions and basically digging my own grave and hers in the process, I was determined that I wouldn't ever let that happen again.

Not being great with my words, I did the only other thing I could do and prayed with everything in me that she could hear me. I sang to her.

Watch my life,  
Pass me by,  
In the rear view mirror  
Pictures frozen in time  
Are becoming clearer  
I don't wanna waste another day  
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

Yeah...

Cause I want you,  
And I feel you,  
Crawling underneath my skin  
Like a hunger,  
Like a burning,  
To find a place I've never been  
Now I'm broken,  
And I'm faded,  
I'm half the man I thought I would be:  
But you can have what's left of me

"I know that you're here with me right now Cheryl and I have so much that I want to say to you. So much that I kept hidden for so long until it was almost too late. I'm here now though and I'm finally ready to tell you everything. The way I should have from the beginning."

I've been dying inside,  
Little by little,  
No where to go,  
But going out of my mind  
In endless circles,  
Running from my self until,  
You gave me a reason for standing still

Cause I want you,  
And I feel you,  
Crawling underneath my skin  
Like a hunger,  
Like a burning,  
To find a place I've never been  
Now I'm broken,  
And I'm faded,  
I'm half the man I thought I would be:  
But you can have what's left of me

"Until you came into my life, I never doubted myself or the way I was living my life. I was alone and while that was scary for me, I believed I was handling it. When you blew into my life the way you did, you showed me almost instantly that everything that I believed to be true about myself was wrong. I wasn't being the real me. The man I was meant to be. The man that everyone needed me to be."

It's falling faster,  
Barely breathing,  
Give me something,  
To believe in  
Tell me: It's not all in my head

Take what's left  
Of this man  
Make me whole  
Once again

"I hadn't forgiven myself for what happened with Kurt, what I had put the both of us through. I just hid behind it and became the mistake and not the resolution. I think you knew that I was doing it and despite knowing it, you accepted me, no reservations. From that very first performance together, our duet, I felt something. Something so powerful that I couldn't even begin to grasp it but instead of facing it head on, I ran. Just the same way I ran when I kissed you."

Cause I want you,  
And I feel you,  
Crawling underneath my skin  
Like a hunger,  
Like a burning,  
To find a place I've never been  
Now I'm broken,  
And I'm faded,  
I'm half the man I thought I would be:  
But you can have what's left of me

"Don't you see? I was falling in love with you, from the very first day, just the way I was supposed to, but I became so obsessed with it not being 'right' that I turned it into something wrong. I confused you, I made you run from me and from what we might be and I will never be able to make that right. You just need to know that you weren't alone in whatever you were feeling. I was right there with you the whole time and I'm right here with you now."

I've been dying inside you see  
I'm going out of my mind  
Out of my mind  
I'm just running in circles all the time

Will you take what's left  
Will you take what's left  
Will you take what's left of me?  
Just running in circles in my mind  
Will you take what's left  
Will you take what's left  
Will you take what's left of me?

"Come back to me Cheryl. So I can tell you all of this again. So I can show you how much good you brought into my life. How you were building me daily into being a better person. I want you to see the man you helped create. The real Blaine Anderson. Just a man that likes men but who loves one woman. I need you. I can't do it alone anymore and I don't want too. I want to do it all with you. Please come back to me."

The machines began beeping then, the wheezing sound they had been making for the time I had been in the room now replaced with an intense shriek like bell. I had no idea what was going on but the louder and more consistent the beeping got, the more I feared it was too late. I was too late. I was losing her.

I felt it then. Ever so lightly but still very much there. The beeping didn't mean something bad. It couldn't because as I watched, I saw it happen again. This time more then a feeling, more then a sensation. I actually saw it happen.

Her finger moved on top of mine.


	14. Did I Ever Tell You?

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

* * *

"_Come back to me Cheryl."_

I knew that voice.

The voice that even when it wasn't singing was incredibly melodic. I could hear every single word he was saying and singing to me but try as I might I couldn't do the one thing that he needed me to do. I couldn't come back to him.

It was dark where I was, no colour or light to be found. I could hear noises, ones I couldn't recognize. All I knew was that wherever I was right now, it wasn't where I needed to be. I could vaguely recall what had happened to me, which meant I could only guess where I had ended up.

I felt the impact before I saw the truck. I had been lost in a series of my own thoughts, so much so that when the truck came up behind me, slamming into me, I hadn't even seen it coming. I had always had better sense and reflexes before, but I had never been this caught up inside of my head before either. I could remember being ejected from my seat, completely bypassing the air bag and seemingly flying through the windshield. I was awake for all of it. I remember it clearly but I don't remember feeling the pain. All I felt was numb. I was completely void of feeling.

Which brought me to where I was now. What those noises were, the ones that played in the background of the words I heard Blaine speaking to me but was unable to respond too. I was in the hospital, the noises those of machines that were obviously hooked up to me. What they couldn't do for me though was fight. I had to do that all on my own.

Hearing the words pour out from his lips, immersed in the middle of the song he was singing to me, musically attempting to coax me awake, I wanted nothing more then to wake up from this awful place of dark stillness and come back to him. To let him know that I had heard every word and that what he was feeling, he wasn't alone in. I did everything I could to will my body to move, but nothing I tried was working.

This wasn't my time. I still had so much life left in me to live. So much more to learn, and to experience. Not only with him, the way I wanted too, but also for myself and for Ryder. I couldn't be stuck here this way when every part of me was screaming inside to go back.

He was falling in love with me. I was helping him, just the way I had wanted to from the very first meeting. He wasn't going anywhere and he was finally allowing himself to come clean and be the person he was meant to be.

All of the things I had most wanted for him. What I knew that deep inside he had kept buried for far too long. Blaine Anderson was changing into the person he was meant to be and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it stuck in time as I was in that moment.

I was falling for him too. It had been happening since that very first duet and it had only gotten stronger as time went on. He was right, we were feeling the exact same feelings for each other but neither of us knew how to manage it so we pushed it away and essentially pushed each other away until a terrible situation brought it all around full circle again.

Concentrating as hard as I could, I tried opening my lips. If he only knew that I was there, and that I could hear him and that now that he'd opened his heart and his soul to me, I wouldn't ever leave him again, then we could move forward but my body just wouldn't co-operate with me. As hard as tried, I couldn't make my lips part, I couldn't make the sound come. I was completely powerless to do what he needed me to do.

To come back to him.

If he couldn't hear me then he'd never know how I really felt. So again using all of my energy I just thought of every single thing that I would tell him if I was awake to do it. I let the words and feelings overtake me and I just let them flow, even if they were just inside of my head and not something Blaine could actually hear and hold onto while I fought my way back to him.

_None of this is your fault. You didn't cause my accident. I never should have been running in the first place. When I started feeling something for you, instead of dealing with it the way normal people I do, I just shut down and ran. When you kissed me, you took me by surprise but it was a happy surprise. At least until you ran from me. I thought I had done something wrong. That all of this happening was somehow my fault. I thought that the reason you ran from me was because I was confusing you and that it was doing more harm then good. _

_When I was with you I felt alive. I felt like the old me again. The girl I haven't really been for years. You were showing me a different way to be and it was so amazing but so completely frightening at the same time. I also thought that feeling the way I did when I was with you was selfish and not something that in the end would benefit either of us. I knew you were conflicted from the moment I met you. I also knew I didn't want to add to it and that unintentionally I was because I was never good at keeping the way I really felt buried. _

_Blaine I'm falling in love you, in the exact same way that you are with me. I know that it doesn't make any sense, with the way you've always been and with me being who I am. All I know is that I don't want to feel bad about it anymore. I want to take every day as it comes and enjoy every single minute of it, good or bad. I want to be able to do it together. I don't want to go through this life anymore. Living in a bubble of pain and not feeling a thing. I want to feel the way I felt when you smiled at me the first time. That instantly happy feeling, the at peace feeling. It's been so long since I felt that way about anything and it might be selfish but now that I've felt it again I don't want to give it up._

_I should have been honest with you and if I ever get the chance to tell you all of this to your face, know that I won't waste another second. I will tell you how I really feel, have been feeling this entire time. You deserve that. You deserve to know just how much of an impact you made on me in such a short period of time and I want the chance to show you, and tell you every chance I get._

_You're my shining star Blaine. You make every single day brighter. When I came back to McKinley I hoped it would change my life and it did. Just not in the way I'd imagined it would. It did so in so many other ways and I'm so glad I'd come back. I'm a better person because of you and I'm so proud of the person you are, even with all of the things you believe to be mistakes. They all needed to happen to bring us here and now that I'm here I don't ever wanna leave._

_I want to come back so badly. The desire so strong that it's taking over every part of me. Not only to come back for you, or even for me, but so that Ryder can have the sister that he so deserves back. It's been too long since I was the person that he needed me to be and I really want to be that person now. For as long as I can be. _

_Don't give up on me because I won't ever give up on you._

Pushing all of the thoughts that had been buried so deep for so long out in one swift motion only seemed to strengthen me more. It made me want to fight even more to leave this dark place behind and never return to it. I hated being this cut off from everything I loved and wanted nothing more then to come back so again putting everything I had into it, I forced my body to pay attention to my mind and do what I needed it to do so badly.

It was then that I felt it. While my legs and my lips still didn't respond to the push I was giving them there was one body part that was responding and with everything in my I prayed that I wasn't just dreaming it.

My finger moved. Just a twitch at first but pushing through it again, I felt it actually lift just slightly and move again. I only hoped that Blaine could see it, could feel it because if it killed me I was going to come back to him, to my life and I was determined that this time, I wouldn't let chances pass me by. I'd take them and I'd run with them, this time in the direction I should have been running all along.

Toward the people I loved and the things I wanted most.


	15. Confrontations & Truths

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

* * *

It was really no secret that I hadn't had the best luck as of late. That things really hadn't been swinging my way. They had been musically but once you removed the music, the success of those few performances, nothing else had gone my way.

So when she moved her finger the way she had, well I felt that things may finally be turning around. That someone had heard my prayer, and given me a chance to make right on my promise and be the person I was meant to be.

I ran from the room the second time her finger moved and immediately started yelling for the Doctors. They all needed to be made aware of what was happening and the way things were changing. Cheryl moving was a good sign. I refused to believe otherwise and now once the Doctor could see it too, they would be able to move forward with a new course of action and bring her back to us.

The one thing I hadn't planned on though was that Sam and Ryder had long since made their way back which meant now that the younger Lynn sibling knew that I had been in the room with his sister, against his wishes.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Talking to your sister, watching her hand move. Seeing with my own two eyes that she was still fighting."

After the situation with Kurt earlier, I felt stronger somehow. I knew that now, whatever Ryder threw at me, I would handle head on. There was nothing more he could say or do to me to bring me down anymore, not with how sure I felt about everything.

"You had no right being in there with her. Not after what you did to her."

"How many times are you going to make me say this Ry? Blaine had nothing to do with her accident and he wasn't playing her. For God's sakes he's in love with her!"

Even with Sam coming to my rescue again, it seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. Ryder still wasn't ready to hear the truth. Or maybe it was just that the truth had continuously come from someone other then the person that it needed to.

"Sam, I got this."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Look, I appreciate you standing up for me but I think the only way Ryder is actually going to listen is if it comes from me. Even if he thinks I'm a liar. Which I'm pretty sure he still does."

"You're damn right I do."

"Well you're wrong. Sam's been trying to tell you the entire time and I just kept letting him when it really should have been me. Look you don't have any idea what's been going on with Cheryl and I but I think maybe its time that you did."

The expression of anger, deep seeded rage that had been present on his face since earlier in the choir room finally seemed to be showing cracks. As much as he wanted to hate me, I knew that deep down he didn't because he knew I was right. Sure he might have had a conversation with his sister about me but he really hadn't known both sides and from previous experience with him, I knew that he would want that. It was just the type of guy he was. Family loyalty had strained that part of him though and it was time that I helped him get it back.

"I'm listening."

"For a very long time and you know this because you've watched me live it this entire year, i thought I was a gay man. I had come to that decision years before and no matter what had taken place since, I stuck with that vision of myself, never bothering to question if there was more under the surface. Your sister changed all of that Ryder. She came into my life like a whirlwind and turned the entire world on its axis and me along for a ride I wasn't entirely ready to take."

He hadn't turned away, or given me any other signs in terms of his body language that he had given up on hearing me out so I continued.

"It started off innocent. I noticed how her eyes, looked like mine and how I found them to be beautiful. Then it turned into the way she made me feel whenever I heard her sing. How my heart would beat faster, my body would warm to the sound and sight of her and then how at peace my breathing and mind seemed to be whenever I was in her presence. It scared the hell out of me and instead of facing it the way Sam said I should and I knew I should. I ran from it."

"Running away and hurting my sister."

"Yes, running away and hurting her. I never wanted to do that but I just couldn't handle all of the changes going on inside of me, both mentally and physically and running seemed like the smartest thing to do so I wouldn't cause her any more pain. Her ending up here, and in the state she is now, I own some of that because of my choices but I think if she could talk, she'd tell you that she owns some of it too because just like me, she was running too. Running from OSU, running from connections and I think even running from what she may have been feeling for me."

"How can you know all of that and I don't?"

"I don't know why Ry. I really don't. She loves you so much, that maybe she didn't want to bring you down into her own problems and create more for you. Or maybe things were just easier for her when it was me because I was going through the same thing. Running from people, making the wrong connections and questioning every single move I made. Whatever her reasons, I know she wanted to tell you. Her entire reasoning for coming back, was to make a stronger connection with you. What happened with us just happened to be a bonus, or a curse depending on how you look at it."

He acknowledged everything I was saying but was choosing to remain silent and I was unsure of how much more I should say because I didn't know how much more he could process.

"Do you love her?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I know that it feels like I'm falling in love with her but I don't know if I can go as far as to say that I'm completely in love with her. I think its too soon for that and I don't want to lie to you."

"No I get that, I just mean..it wasn't all a game to you?"

"Not even a little bit. In fact everything that happened pretty much killed me inside trying to figure it out so I didn't play games with her. That's the last thing I want to do to anyone."

I hoped he would understand. I mean I knew that Rome hadn't been built in a day but I really wanted Ryder's acceptance here. I knew that if I had that, that when Cheryl woke up and she would wake up, it would make everything that much easier for both of us moving forward. Which I was completely ready to do.

"I'm sorry."

_Wait...what?_

I had been expecting just about a billion different reactions to everything I'd said to him but him offering up an apology really hadn't been one of them. I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth but hearing those words come out of his mouth, it made me excited for what might come next.

"Blaine seriously. I'm sorry. When she told me what happened in the auditorium with the two of you I was just so mad that I couldn't even see straight because I was one of those people that knew you as a gay guy. I judged you on that and when she took off, it just magnified that judgement so much more. I never even asked you what you felt. I just assumed and I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry. I would have been the same way. Well maybe not with Cooper but if I'd had a sister and saw the way it looked."

"Did she really move her finger?"

I nodded, which as he asked the question brought me back to the task at hand. I had to find the doctor and I had to do it now. Every second counted and I was slightly annoyed that I'd let the conversation with Ryder take precedence. It needed to happen and I'm glad we'd done it but right now all that mattered was Cheryl. Which obviously was exactly what Ryder believed as well.

As he said the words though, I had to do a double take to make sure I'd heard them correctly, because what he'd said came as a total surprise.

"Let's get the doctor and once we get the okay, let's go see her. Together."


	16. Wake Up Call

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

**Authors Note:**As much as it pains me to admit, there will only be four more chapters after this one. I think I've done more then enough to this couple to last a lifetime so it's time I ended it. So if I haven't said it enough thank you all very much for the support, from reviews to just reading each chapter, to making it a favourite and following me. It does mean the world to me given this is my first ever glee related fiction.

* * *

The Doctor exited the room and between Ryder and I, we wasted in no time reaching him to try and get an update on her condition. With her moving her finger the way she did, I had hope, and had in turn given Ryder the same hope and in speaking with him now I prayed that things were looking up.

"With an comatose patient, there is always a chance that they will experience random movements while still remaining in said coma, and the prognosis is still considered grim at best. I am elated to report that it doesn't seem to be the case with Ms. Lynn. While she isn't completely out of the woods yet, her condition does seem to be improving. The movements that you encountered earlier were completely of her own making and not just a case of her body moving sporadically."

"So she's awake then?"

"No young man, she isn't awake just yet but it's only a matter of time before she is. As I said before, she isn't out of the woods yet. With physical therapy and time though, she should be back to her old self in no time."

His choice of words was not lost on me. I didn't want her returning to her old self because if she did I had a fear that maybe she would realize that she didn't want to be with me and she'd be running back to OSU again. Something I most definitely didn't want. I didn't think she needed to change at all, I found her to be perfect the way she was, at least perfect for me but her running, it wasn't an option. I just couldn't allow it to happen. Not for me and not for Ryder either. We both needed her.

The Doctor made his exit leaving me and Ryder to our own devices. While I had been hoping that the news would be better and we'd have heard that she was awake again, I was thankful that it wasn't anything more dire. There was more hope now then there ever had been, especially after the finger movement, and I just had to hold onto that.

"You ready to go see her Blaine?"

Was I ready? Wasn't he there when I admitted to him how I felt? I was more then ready.

"Let's go."

As we made our way into the room, we noticed a nurse doing checks on Cheryl's various vital signs and writing them in her chart. As I moved more into the room, ready to take my position back at her bedside, Ryder seemed to almost be taking steps backwards. For someone who had never been in this position before, this had to be extremely hard, seeing his sister this way.

"Ry, it's alright man. Sit with her."

Pointing to the chair, urging him not only with my words but my mind to take the seat and accept the picture of what was before him, the nurse spoke up.

"She's alright son. It's only going to get better from here. In a short period of time her condition went from dire, to promising. She'll be back with you in no time."

If there was anything remotely funny about everything that happened this was it. It was obvious the older woman looked at Ryder as the boyfriend to the patient lying in the bed. Little did she know that the person hoping to be her boyfriend was handling the situation before him now easily and without fear.

Seeing her move her finger the way she had really had made me stronger in my belief that things could work out in the positive and there was no going back once I'd reached that area of strength.

"Thank you." Ryder choked out as he took the seat to his sisters left and picked up her hand.

"We won't stay long."

Being allowed in this area of the hospital was usually frowned upon at least from what I remembered, most of my knowledge of course coming from medical dramas on television. So I wanted to make sure the nurses knew that we weren't going to overstep our welcome or somehow get in their way when they needed to be there for Cheryl.

As she made her way out of the room I turned my attention back to Ryder as I heard him begin to speak, his head now resting on his sisters arm.

"Cher, you scared the crap out of us you know? You need to just wake up now, call me a moron or big idiot and we can just go back to the way things are supposed to be like. You sleeping like this is seriously hindering my attempt at having game."

"Game?"

"Yes Blaine game. You saw me break down in the choir room? That reaction is going to be legendary and probably plastered all over YouTube for the world to see."

"You're not serious right?"

Ryder laughed then giving me a look like I'd actually lost my mind. "No man I'm not serious. I just can't sit here looking at her like this and not make a joke to lighten the mood. If I actually look at this seriously then I might just break down all over again and I really don't wanna do that."

Now that was something I could understand. The way I had reacted with Kurt earlier, and in the room when I finally had the chance to be alone with her, the raw emotion taking over. It was something I was thankful for at least in terms of a wake up call but definitely not something I wanted to repeat. Especially the tears. With the news that at any moment she could come back to us, I really wanted to focus on the positive, just like Ryder did.

"I'll give you a few minutes with her."

"No. Don't. You deserve to be here. I know I acted like an ass about it before but if everything you told me is true and what she admitted to me when we spoke is true then there is no one aside from my parents and I that deserves to be here more then you Blaine."

"You mean that?"

"Yes. Now I'm as serious as a heart attack. Stay. It's where she would want you to be."

I was not going to fight what he wanted. So I did just as he had minutes before and I took the extra seat at the end of the room and brought it over to the side of the bed opposite Ryder. The doctor had said before that patients in a coma could possibly hear you when you spoke and given the way I had spoken to her earlier, I was holding out on that possibility being true. So in that vein I picked up her hand and placed it into mine, intertwining our fingers, exactly the same way as she herself had done that day at the Lima Bean.

"Cheryl, we're both here. Ryder and I. It's just us and we're going to stay with you until you get so sick of hearing us that you wake up and kick us both out. The doctor says that there's a great chance that at any given moment you can wake up and I think I speak for Ry and myself when I say that we wanna make sure we're here when that happens because it WILL happen. You're not alone and you never will be again."

"I finally reached Mom and Dad. They're on the first flight out and should be here sometime tomorrow morning, at least from the way Dad talks. It was the fastest flight they could get but Blaine is right. We aren't leaving your side, even for a second until you wake up. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most."

I knew Ryder was on the edge. I had been there recently myself given the circumstances. I had opened myself up to it and poured my heart and soul out to her and now it looked like it was his turn to do the same. He was dealing with his own demons in terms of his responsibility for the accident and the sooner he dealt with it the better.

"I should have been paying more attention to you. I should have seen that you were dealing with something instead of just going off with my friends and spending every day playing football. You came home for me and I just took complete advantage of it and I'm so freaking sorry. Please wake up for me. Come back so we can have our do over. This time I won't take you for granted. You're the only real family I've got."

There it was. The breakdown. I had been so annoyed at Ryder earlier for assuming about her and I, and yet at the same time understanding of his anger and even wanting him to kick the crap out of me but I didn't actually focus on what was fuelling the anger. I had assumed it was because of me but it really wasn't. No he was going through the same pain I was. Blaming himself for the state she was now in and not realizing that it was just a cruel twist of fate that landed us all here.

I had done my confessions alone so there was a part of me that felt uncomfortable in the moment because I thought that maybe this would all be better served it he had the chance to do it alone and not with an audience. Especially someone he had been ready to pound into the ground only hours earlier.

I couldn't move from my chair though. I had promised her that I wouldn't leave her again and I was going to hold strong and fast to that promise. Even if I thought Ryder needed his time. I wasn't prepared to break a promise because up until now I'd never done it.

"She was falling for you to you know."

Lost in my thoughts as I was, Ryder's voice came through crystal clear. It was also something that I wasn't expecting to hear.

"What are you talking about?"

"When she told me about what happened between you too, she wasn't all broken hearted. At least not at first. She was confused a bit but the way her eyes lit up when she told me about the kiss and the bare basics of what had been taking place before that, I could just tell that she was falling for you too. I just think you should know."

So it wasn't all one sided then? I was right in my assumption that there was more going on and that we really did have a shot at making all of this right once she woke up. Which was a tremendous relief. There couldn't be any other news I could receive right now other then the girl in the hospital bed waking up that could make me any happier then I was right in that moment.

She was falling for me too!

Before I could respond though, I felt a slight shift and tightening on my fingers, and looking down, saw that they were indeed moving in mine again, the same way as earlier. Only that wasn't the only thing that was happening because before I could tell Ryder what I was feeling, the faintest of voices spoke.

"He's right."


	17. Surprises

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

* * *

Cheryl was awake and she was talking.

If there was anything in this world that happened in my life that would qualify for miracle status, this was it. I had never been much of a believer in terms of prayer. If it actually worked or not, the jury up until now had still been out but the vision of her before me now, with her eyes open though not entirely all the way and her throaty speech as proof, I was starting to believe in something.

Ryder was equally as star struck by what was taking place now. I don't think he believed she would have woken up. I think that even though he knew what the doctor had said, he was still of the belief that he would believe it when he saw it and he would be better served preparing for the worst. Something that while I understood I just couldn't do. Then again I had been the one she had moved her finger with, so I had more to go on with my own faith in miracles.

"We need to get the doctor, right now!" Ryder jumped up from his chair, making his way to the door quickly, then pausing, obviously realizing there was something he needed to do first.

Walking back to her, he bent over her gently and kissed her forehead. "Welcome back nerd."

Trying to contain my laughter at the obvious nickname and pushing down the scream I was sure was bubbling under the surface I just stared at her. While looking drained of colour, and completely worn out she was still the same Cheryl that had been with me every step of the way on my journey of self discovery. To the piercing hazel eyes that even now could see right through me into the darkest parts of my soul, to that auburn dyed red hair with the fruit flavoured scents that drove me crazy. She was there and she was awake and she was just as beautiful now as ever.

I was bias and I knew this but the more I stared at her the more I wanted to scream from the rafters how I felt about her. I had completely lost my mind, but it was something I was most definitely happy about.

As I watched Ryder leave the room, on route to finding Cheryl's doctor, I sat in the chair he had vacated and I instantly placed her hand back into mine, having dropped it in the initial shock of her waking up and speaking.

"Do you need me to get you anything?"

Shaking her head in the negative she just let her eyes rest on me. I couldn't tell you what she was thinking in that moment but just the feel of her eyes on me, after all that had been said and done, was the most amazing feeling in the world and one that I wanted to last forever. When she spoke again, the entire world stopped, at least as far as I could tell and every word she desperately tried to get out, given the dryness of her throat meant just as much as any word she had ever spoken before it.

"I heard you."

"What do you mean you heard me?"

"You sang-" she broke off then, unable to get the words out, her energy level as fried as the voice she was now trying to use. Moving across to the other side of the room, where I'd seen the water pitcher only minutes before, I poured her a glass and made my way back to the bed, putting the glass to her lips and urging her silently to drink from.

"You sang to me." She finished after she had downed more then half the glass I'd poured. The fact that she knew what I had done had me staring in amazement. Had she really heard every word I'd said to her during our short moment together earlier? Was it possible she had even heard the song and remembered it?

I had no idea how a coma person functioned when they were in it but judging from the fact that she not only had said she heard me but that she's also known that I sang to her, I had to believe that maybe she hadn't been completely knocked out after all and that she had been spending this entire time silently fighting to come back to me just as much as I was silently praying for the same.

"Yes baby I sang to you. I snuck in here earlier. I had to talk to you."

"So tired."

As much as I didn't want her to ever close her eyes again given the length of time she had already been doing so and my irrational fear that I'd lose her again, I knew that she needed too. If I wanted to have her back completely I had to allow her body and her mind the chance to actually heal without being selfish about it.

"Then sleep love. We'll talk when you wake up."

"You'll stay?"

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

She closed her eyes then, her lips formed into the smallest of smiles as she did and I just sat there, completely astounded watching her. Amazed at just how much had taken place in such a short amount of time. Cheryl Lynn really was the exception. She was what a miracle looked like.

The doctor came into the room while she was sleeping and giving him his space, Ryder and I left the room and waited outside as he went about doing whatever tests he needed to do.

After the doctors and nurses had left, her finally being moved from the ICU down into her own private room, for the stable patients, we were finally allowed in to see her again. Ryder insisted that I take this time and go and sit with her, knowing that when she woke up again, and was more apt to do it, we had a lot that we needed to talk about. Thanking him both openly and silently, I made my way into her room and made myself comfortable in yet another most uncomfortable chair, prepared for the long haul. I was going to be there when she awoke, just the way I'd promised and we were finally going to have our moment.

The moment where I told her how I really felt about her and where I wanted to go from here. The moment where we'd both open ourselves up and submit to what I really did believe was meant to be.

I fell asleep the minute I laid my head on her bed, where her hand lay, not even realizing it had happened until I was awoken what felt like hours later. Awoken by her, by the touch of her hand in my hair. The gel long since holding it together and it falling in a somewhat curly mess all over her. I had always envisioned waking up to someone doing that again, it having not happened since the last time Kurt and I had been together, and now I was getting my dream to come true. As I picked up my head, careful to wipe away whatever drool may have been forming, I looked into her eyes and saw the twinkle in them, the twinkle she got when she smiled and as I let my eyes wander further down her face I found that she was indeed doing it. She was smiling at me.

"Morning sleepy head."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

She shook her head before speaking again. "It's okay Blaine. You probably needed to sleep as much as I did. We're both awake now though."

She was right. We were both awake now, which meant it was time to say what I had been waiting what felt like forever to say. I needed to tell her how I felt, with her awake this time to fully hear it and understand it.

"Cher, there's so much I need to say to you. I don't even know where to begin."

"I know. I need to say things to you too now that I can kind of speak again."

Before either of us had the chance to let the words flow though the door opened and someone stepped inside. Not wanting to take my eyes off of her for a second, still partially afraid she'd vanish if I did, I just went with the assumption that it was Ryder.

I was wrong.

"I'm sorry I don't mean to intrude but when I heard that you were awake I just had to come see you."

I knew that voice. As I turned around I got all the confirmation that I needed. Standing at the foot of the bed, his expression soft was none other then my ex boyfriend. The man I had told off and walked away from only hours before.

Kurt was back.


	18. The Old Is New Again

**Disclaimer:** Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.

**Summary:**Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.

**Authors Note:** This chapter will be from Cheryl's perspective. Given the way this chapter will be taking place it would make the most sense to have the focus be on her and it's right back to Blaine in the next one. Thank you for your understanding, patience and most of all any and all feedback you've given me thus far.

* * *

I don't know I knew that this was Kurt in my hospital room but I just did. It could have had something to do with the way Blaine looked at him, which I had to admit was painful to witness given the way I now felt about the man that was keeping vigil at my bedside. It might have been all of the conversations that I'd had about them both with Ryder, who liked to fill me in on all the details about everyone from the glee club. Whatever it was that made me realize quickly who this was, didn't really matter. All that mattered was that he was here.

"Kurt what are you still doing here?"

_Still doing here? What was Blaine talking about? Had he really been here this entire time?_

I admit it. Hearing Blaine say what he did made me worry. Had Blaine called him when he found out about my accident? Had he really wanted Kurt to be there with him while he dealt with all that he had confessed to me earlier? I wanted to believe in him, that what he had told me before had been the truth but as much as I hated to admit, I was still walking a very touchy tight rope. This was all still fresh and new and something we both hadn't even had a chance to really discuss since I'd woken up. So I was worried.

"I heard what you said earlier and I was fully prepared to just go back to New York. There's just something I need to do first. With your permission of course."

"What is it you need to do?"

"I need to talk to Cheryl."

Blaine ran his fingers through his hair, obviously pained at what his ex was asking of him, and of me. The seriousness of the day was taking its toll on him, I could tell and I didn't know how much more he could take before he finally broke from the pressure.

"You've got to be kidding me. You really think I'm going to let you talk to her after the things you said and did earlier?"

At the very least I now knew that Kurt had indeed been there earlier but from the way Blaine was speaking it hadn't been the way I had feared. It almost seemed like it hadn't gone well at all and Blaine didn't want him anywhere near me or the situation. Which did give me a huge sense of relief.

"Blaine, it's okay. Kurt obviously has something he wants to say, so let him."

As much as Kurt may have felt that he needed to talk to me it was becoming increasingly obvious that it was what I needed as well. The only way to truly move forward for any of us was putting the past where it belonged and in this case I felt that the only way I could truly move forward with Blaine was to talk to Kurt. I knew there was issues unresolved between them and I needed for my own sake to the get to the heart of them. I wouldn't be putting myself or my heart in harms way again. That much I was sure of.

"Are you sure you're up to this right now?"

"Yes. I can handle it. Just give us a few minutes alone. Please."

Accepting my wishes with a nod, Blaine stood and with one final squeeze of my hand moved toward the door but before he left the room, he whispered something to Kurt. Something that he was to far away for me to hear. As soon as he was gone though, I was going to find out.

"What did he just say to you?"

"He just warned me about hurting you. Typical Blaine. Always the protector."

There was no denying that right away Kurt was almost in an attack stance. That coming into this room and asking for the chance to talk to me had taken a lot for him. It wasn't something he was familiar with doing and I had to admit I was more then a little impressed. What he was doing took guts.

"What is it that you need to say to me?"

"You know how I met Blaine?"

"No. How did you meet?"

"I was being bullied at McKinley, really badly in fact for being the only gay kid that had taken steps and come out. It was brutal and having been pushed aside by my group that week for the glee assignment I headed to Dalton Academy to check out our competition. After being found out pretty quickly by Blaine and a few of his fellow Warblers, I confessed everything to Blaine. It was life changing for me."

That was something the two of us seemed to have in common at the very least. Life changing moments with the younger Anderson brother. He had done the same thing for me, but in a different way so I more then understood what Kurt was getting at.

"He sent me a text once when I got back to McKinley, and all it said was 'Courage'. As hard as everything still was coming back there, that one word coming when it did, changed everything for me. I somehow felt stronger. Like just seeing that word meant I could take on the world. Or at the very least I could take on the bullies."

"I don't want to be rude or make light of things but Kurt what does this have to do with me?"

"I respected Blaine, right from that first meeting and every time since. He was so strong in the face of a world still not ready to accept that people might actually be different then what was considered the norm. I admired him for that strength. For being gay and being proud. Even after he kissed my best friend Rachel Berry, I still respected him, though I could see that he was conflicted."

"When he kissed Rachel?"

Just from talking to Kurt and hearing about their history, I was learning things about Blaine. Apparently I hadn't been the first girl he'd kissed. I was feeling rather selfish though because I really hoped that I would be the last person he kissed.

"Yes Cheryl. He kissed another girl before you. You weren't his first lapse in judgement. Or at least what I perceived to be his lapse. I didn't want to see any other way to be honest because back then especially I was clouded with already having fallen for him. That was guiding me, that silly crush I'd had on him, months before he even got together. I was blind to his conflict then, wanting him to just realize that I was what he wanted, and not what he thought he felt when he kissed Rachel. I made it about the alcohol back then though, because he hadn't done it sober."

"So what's changed now?"

"I love Blaine. I think that I will always love Blaine if I'm honest with myself. I've never made a secret of it. He hurt me badly when he cheated on me all those months ago though and we both paid the price for it. After speaking with him earlier and seeing how sure he was in his words and his feelings, I think that maybe I hadn't really loved him the way I believed I had. I think I loved the image of him from that first meeting and had never quite seen past it."

"What happened earlier?"

"He told me basically that he loved you and that while the situation had some resemblance to the one with Rachel, that it wasn't the same because everything he had done, and felt had been done completely sober. I didn't want to believe it of course, I mean when it comes to Blaine I will always have singular blinders on."

"He really said all of that?"

"Yes he did. I laughed at him, I tried my hardest to make him see that he was making a mistake and I'm actually sad to admit that maybe he wasn't the one making the mistake. Maybe it was me that was doing it. I had time to think, really think about Blaine and I, and what I wanted most for him in his life and I realized that maybe this time, what he needed wasn't me and it was something different. Maybe he was someone different and maybe what he needed was you."

"You really believe that?"

"I didn't at first. I don't like admitting when I'm wrong. In fact I totally hate it, but if there is one thing I want for Blaine, it's happiness. I never wanted him to feel pain. I love him too much to want that, even after all that happened between us and after going over our conversation from earlier, I realized I was doing exactly the opposite of what I wanted. I was taking away his happiness or at the very least trying to make him believe that it was wrong."

I really took stock of everything Kurt was admitting to me. I knew that when he had entered the room it hadn't been easy but really hearing him now, I knew why it wasn't easy. He was essentially dealing with letting Blaine go, at least in the relationship sense. He was admitting that he had been wrong and he was admitting that maybe he wasn't what Blaine needed anymore. All hard things and I wasn't sure what to say to any of it. I was shell shocked.

"I judged what he felt for you and then judged you as well and for that I just want to say I'm sorry. We're both in love with the same guy and while I thought it was wrong and couldn't happen before, I now realize that it should bring us closer because we couldn't love a better guy."

"What makes you think I love him? I mean it's too soon for that."

"Oh honey had you seen the way your eyes lit up when you looked at him, the way I did when I walked into this room earlier you would know. There is no use denying it to me. It's written all over your face, much the way it is with Blaine, though I doubt he'd admit it. At least to me."

_Was he right? Was I really in love with Blaine and just wanting to take things slow by not admitting it?_

If Kurt could see through me, was it possible that everyone else could as well? I hadn't wanted to move too quickly so I left myself at admitting that I was falling for him but there really was more going on here. I knew it deep down. I wouldn't have run the way I had if I didn't. Kurt was absolutely right and the sooner I stopped denying it the better.

"It's true isn't it? You love him."

"Yes Kurt. I love him."

"Then do me a favour would you?"

"Which is?"

"Don't do what I did. Don't try to change him or rather keep him the same way you want him to be. Let him learn, let him grow and be there behind him every step of the way. I may not have realized it in time but you've got the chance that I don't now. You can be there with him and you can make him reach his full potential. That's all I've ever really wanted for him. To do what he wanted to do and be happy doing it."

"I'd be honoured if he allowed me the chance to do that."

"My dad, I swear used to have these talks with me before I moved to New York and as I sat in my car and really thought about everything earlier, one of them came back to me. One that I hadn't taken at full importance before but damn sure am now. He was referring to Blaine and I at the time but it really does work for you now as well."

"What did he say?"

"When two people love each other, like you two do, everything works out."

"You really believe that?"

"Like I said, I didn't hold much stock in it when he said it to me all those months ago but I do now just in a different way. If you both really love each other then, gay; straight; bisexual, it doesn't really matter because in the end it will work out. I think that maybe the advice had fallen on deaf ears with me because it was meant for you."

"Thank you Kurt. I know saying and doing all of this can't be easy for you. I don't want anyone to hurt in whats happening, least of all you. I don't even really know you."

"That's true, but you know me now. We have Blaine in common and I think we both want the best for him, so you know what that makes us?"

"What's that?"

"Partners. I won't ever get between you and him, I don't think its fair as I've lived through it once before already but I will be there, for him and for you if you'll let me, every step of the way to make sure you both get to where you need to be. It's what happens when you love each other right? You do what it takes to make sure everything just works out and I've seen the way he looks at you. He wants this to work out and for him, so do I."

I didn't know what to say to that. He was right. We were partners him and I because in the end we both wanted the same thing and that was Blaine's happiness. I no longer feared what the two of them shared before I had come along and I didn't fear what may happen in the future because like Kurt had said minutes before, when you're in love, everything just works out and I truly believed that.

"Now can you do me one more favour?"

"Anything."

"Make sure and tell Blaine once I left that I didn't harm one hair on your pretty out of a box hair coloured head okay? The last thing I want to come home to is an angry Blaine message."

"You got it."

As he turned toward the door, I called out to him. I didn't want him leaving without knowing just how much that talk with him had meant to me.

"Thank you. For everything and I'm really glad that you stayed behind earlier otherwise I might never had admitted entirely how I felt. You're amazing Kurt, you really are."

"Well just tell him everything Cheryl and do it soon because everything can't work out if it never has a chance to begin and I think now's the perfect time for both of you to let it begin. Get better soon."

As he said his final words and walked out of the room I replayed everything he had said in my mind. He was right. When Blaine and I finally had a chance to be alone I was going to tell him everything. Now was the time and there was no going back.


	19. Don't Wanna Believe

**Authors Note:** Traditionally with a chapter I make the characters sing to one another in some form or another, but in this case, I'm letting the song stand alone within the chapter as it seems to fit where I'm going with it. So the song used in this chapter is **Hinder – I Don't Wanna Believe. ** Thank you for all of your support thus far and see you for the last chapter after this one.

* * *

**From everything I've seen,  
Everything good just goes away  
I never had a taste of heaven  
Without a little hell to pay**

All I ever needed was someone to give instead of take  
But something about you makes it right to give it one more try.

"Are we finally going to get a chance to be alone now?"

There had been moments over the last three weeks where I felt as if she was inside of my head but as she asked the question now, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was indeed reading my mind because that is the exact same question I had.

Kurt having left and Ryder out and awaiting his parents arrival, the rest of the group having long since left, I really hoped we'd finally get a chance to talk. Or even if we didn't talk, just a chance to hold hands, to look into each others eyes and be thankful for the way everything seemed to be turning out. I had never wanted five minutes alone with someone so badly in my life the way I did now.

"I sure hope so."

She patted the bed, motioning with her other hand for me to come lay with her. She seemed to be doing alright but I was wary of how much we should actually be doing or how far we should be pushing it when only a few hours before she had been fighting for her life.

"I asked the nurse and she said it was fine. In fact she said it might help. So get your cute little butt over here Anderson. No excuses."

_You don't have to tell me twice._

I climbed onto the bed with her and gave her a moment as she slowly turned on her side, allowing me more room to lay. Before I knew it she was laying her head on my chest, the portion closest to my heart and the mere thought of her being that close made my heart race faster. I could only imagine what she thought as she laid there listening to it.

"You wanna tell me what you and Kurt talked about?"

I was horrible at beating around the bush. I wanted to know what they had talked about considering when I had entered the room moments after Kurt had left she had been smiling. I'd been afraid given the way he was earlier with me that he would even more harsh with her. I was glad to see the smile on her face the way I had, it meant I didn't have to keep the promise I'd said to Kurt before I'd left. I was curious as to what he might have said though that would have had her smiling that way.

"Not really no. Just know that you don't have to follow through on your threat. He was a complete gentleman with me. Very understanding and sweet. To be completely honest I can see why you fell in love with him."

**And I don't wanna believe if I can't believe in you,  
But I'm ready to fall if you're the one that I fall into,  
Tell me You're the one 'cause baby I don't wanna waste another day,  
I don't wanna believe if I can't believe in you.. **

"What do you mean?"

"His eyes are to die for!"

Before I could take her seriously, which I had to admit I almost had, she laughed and spoke again.

"He cares a great deal about you, about people it would seem. Even the ones that treated him the worst. He never gives up on them. The things he told me Blaine, I could just see why you love him."

She'd used the word love and not loved. Not that the present or past tense mattered much to me in the long run but I had to admit that if I had expected any form of the word it would been the latter.

"Kurt is an amazing guy. I will always be thankful for the time I had with him."

It wasn't a lie but it wasn't entirely the truth either. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I still loved him. I wasn't sure given the way I felt about her that it would make her feel. The last thing I wanted with all that she had been through was to give her any more pain.

"You're thinking about something. What is it?"

_God this girl was a freaking mind reader. It was actually kind of scary how well she knew me._

I couldn't answer her. I just couldn't find the words. Laying with her this way, running my fingers through her hair as she had her head so close to my heart the way it was. It was almost too much. A week ago almost I had kissed her and ran. Which had caused her to run and now we were together this way and I was just at a complete loss. Hadn't I wanted to say everything to her earlier? Where was all of that now?

"Blaine is this about Kurt?"

"No Cher it's got nothing to do with Kurt, not really."

She tried lifting her head, and as she did I noticed the toll it was taking on her, using her strength this way so soon after the accident and with my free hand, I gently put it on her head motioning for her to go back to the way she had been. The last thing I needed was her straining herself over my sudden inability to speak.

"What do you mean not really?"

"How did you know to say the word love when describing the way I felt about Kurt?"

"Because real love doesn't just die. At least I don't think it does."

"If I told you that I still loved Kurt right now how would that make you feel?"

"It doesn't matter what I would feel because it just is. Don't you get it Blaine? You spent years of your life with him. If you didn't have feelings remaining for him I'd be more concerned."

"You really mean that?"

"Yes. From what I remember about what Ryder told me about the two of you and then what Kurt and I talked about earlier, you two had almost an epic kind of love. Nothing can totally erase that and I wouldn't want it to be erased."

**I've never been so scared, I was goin' nowhere but now you're here,  
holding you too tight, pushing you away is my darkest fear,  
I don't wanna break you, I don't wanna make you disappear,  
I felt every kind of pain, but you take it all away..**

**And I don't wanna believe if I can't believe in you,**  
**But I'm ready to fall if you're the one that I fall into,**  
**Tell me I'm the one 'cause baby I don't wanna waste another day,**  
**I don't wanna believe if I can't believe in you..**

I was speechless. The more I thought that I had this girl figured out, and I knew what she was going to say from one moment to the next, I learned I didn't know a thing. She was admitting to me that she knew I would always love Kurt and that she wasn't bothered by it. I'm sure that having someone be that understanding wasn't out of the ordinary but for me, in my life it was practically unheard of.

"I love you."

"What?"

_Way to take things slow Blaine. Jesus she was going to think I was insane._

"I mean I think I'm falling in love with you. No one gets me the way that you do and I swear what you just said proves it."

I could feel her breathing, the rise and fall of her breath like butterfly movements on the lower part of my chest but she remained silent. I had just admitted how I felt to her and with each passing second of silence I began worrying that maybe she didn't feel the same and I had just been kidding myself.

"No, that's not right."

"What do you mean its not right? It's how I feel."

"No Blaine it's not. At least I don't that's all of it. You're forgetting, I heard you before."

She was right. I had been right with the first thing I'd said. I was in love with her. I wasn't falling because I had already fallen. I wasn't being completely honest with her or myself admitting anything other then that but moving too fast with her just wasn't an option. I didn't want to ruin us before we even began.

"Then if you know me so well Miss Lynn, why don't you tell me what I feel? Or better yet tell me how you feel."

"Fine. Just don't say I didn't warn you."

I was so nervous in the moments that followed I swear I had almost stopped breathing. I wanted to hear what she had to say but I was deathly afraid that it wasn't going to be the answers I had been looking forward too.

"I'm in love with you Blaine Devon Anderson. I think I've been in love with you for three weeks now and just to blind and stupid to admit it. To you or to myself. Up until I talked to Kurt I was going on the mistaken notion that I had to take things slow so I wouldn't scare you away but the reality is, I don't care about that anymore. If I can't be entirely honest with you then we wouldn't work anyway. I love you. So much that even as I sit here, it hurts but not in the bad way. I also think you feel the same. I think we're both so scared of being hurt or hurting each other that we're too damn frightened to accept it and move on from it."

**I've given you what's left of me,****  
****So you can put me back together,****  
****You've given me what I've needed all along..**

Now it was my turn to play the silence card except it wasn't because I was in denial about anything she had said. I couldn't find the words this time because what she'd said had again made me speechless. It was like she had walked inside my head and just spilled it out through her own voice so I could hear what it sounded like.

I had been right the first time I'd said it and I knew it. I also knew now that she felt the same way, if not more then I did because she wasn't afraid to say it out loud anymore. She had been before as she admitted but she wasn't any longer. She loved me and she was sure of it.

"Was that good enough of an answer for you?"

"More then enough thanks."

"Then why aren't you saying anything?"

"Because I can't top that. I can't even begin to say anything that will come out sounding any more right and truthful then what you just did."

"You think I was right?"

"Yes because Cheryl, I'm not just falling in love with you. I am in love with you and it wasn't until you said it now that it became clear to me. That I didn't need to slow it down or hide it, that no matter what the response, it deserves to be said. We can't move on if we don't admit how we feel."

**And I don't wanna believe if I can't believe in you.****  
****But I'm ready to fall if you're the one that I fall into****  
****Tell me I'm the one 'cause baby I don't wanna waste another day,****  
****I don't wanna believe if I can't believe in you..**

"You spoke to me when I was in the coma and I heard every word. I can't quote you the way I could a few hours ago but I remember everything you said, it replays a lot in my mind since I woke up and saw you sitting there holding my hand. You weren't the only one that was changed Blaine. I was too. I was content to be alone for the longest time, just coasting through my own life and not caring about anything. You changed that in me. You made me see that there is so much more to life when you have someone or something that you care about. That I didn't have to be alone anymore. Of course I fell in love with you."

We really had changed each other, she was right about that. It wasn't just one side or the other, it was both sides. What we had both dealt with and gone through had brought us to this moment right now, laying our cards on the table and hoping for the best to be able to move forward. We both loved each other, the only thing left to figure out now was, where did we go from here?

"Cher.."

"Yes Blaine?"

"I don't ever want to let another day go by without knowing that you're by my side. You're a part of me now, and I want you to be that way forever. At the risk of sounding stupid, will you let me be your boyfriend, your best friend and your protector? Can you let me love you the way I do right now, possibly more, for the rest of my life?"

"I'd love nothing more. I love you Blaine."

She raised herself again, this time with less worry from me as I was completely caught up in what was happening between us and she kissed me. Ever so gingerly she placed her lips on mine, deepening the kiss only as my lips parted and the minute our lips touched, the energy and weeks old pent up feelings flowing between us I realized it.

Everything was perfect. Everything was right and I was finally the man I was meant to be and it was all because of Cheryl Lynn.

My Forever.

**I don't wanna believe if I can't believe in you...**

**But I'm ready to fall if you're the one that I fall into..**

**I don't wanna believe if I can't believe in you..  
But I'm ready to fall if you're the one that I fall into...**


	20. The Future

**Authors Note:** Ending this story truthfully was hard for me. It's my first story since the writers block of 2012 (early part of the year) happened. I hadn't been able to write anything and coming back with this one, well I got attached. I wasn't putting myself with Blaine, I wasn't even imagining it that way. I just imagined a struggle to determine who you are, one that much like Blaine I'd gone through 15 years before and I ran with it, Cheryl coming along for the ride. At times I loved it, at times my perfectionism hated it but I wrote through it all and what you see before you now is the final chapter of that. I'm so thankful to have had the chance to write this, have you guys read it, like it, favorite it and follow it, and some of you even review it. It's been a real treat. You will never know how much it means to me. So thank you for your acceptance and your time. Enjoy!

* * *

Five years ago today, I asked the most beautiful woman in the world to be my girlfriend. Also on that day she accepted and my life really was forever changed. So much has happened since that day and in an effort to make sure it is never forgotten I wanted to write it all down. I want the world to know as our time is never assured just how much this woman meant to me and my life and how I don't know if I would be standing where I am now without her.

I was on a fast track to a breakdown. I know that now. I think I knew it then but I had never fully acknowledged it which means that it was never something I could have changed. I had to be ready and back then I wasn't. I was becoming something else, someone else even and I just wasn't ready for what that entailed.

Since then, I've had the chance to go back and make a lot of things right in my life that up until those few weeks were going tragically wrong. I finally got the time to sit down with Kurt and really talk things out. We were two very talented individuals, that were alike in so many ways that to the rest of the world it was always just natural that we would end up together. When that didn't happen instead of having a conversation, we went in separate directions and we lost one of the greatest friendships we'd ever known. Make no mistake, while our relationship may have been what we are most remembered for, the friendship was what always mattered most to me and wasn't something that I valued losing.

We hashed out what happened with Eli and why I had done the things I'd done. He'd long since forgiven me for it and was actually shocked at how long it had taken me to finally forgive myself. We talked about the dreams we had that we both wanted to accomplish and how we wanted to remain a part of each others lives to make sure those dreams happened the way we wanted. We were each others backbone and we let life get in the way of that for far longer then either one of us had intended.

It was nice getting back to normal with Kurt. At least a new kind of normal. The kind where he was my very best friend. Now I know that may seem like a slam against Cher but it really isn't. She knows what she means to me, what she will always mean to me and she also accepts that as long as I'm breathing Kurt will mean something to me too. It's one of the reasons I love her. Her blind acceptance of what I need in my life and her ability to never give up in pursuit of making sure I get it.

I graduated from McKinley, with honours and a full scholarship to the University of my choice a few months after the accident. We went out as Regionals champs that year as well. We went on to nationals and came in third, which may not have been the way we wanted it to go but something we were more then proud of.

Sam and I still keep in contact. He went on with a full football scholarship to Ohio State and he was living his dream. He was also still singing which made me happier then you can imagine. After all of the shared dreams and memories of Sam and even the rest of the misfits, or as we're known, the New Directions, the last thing I wanted was for any of them to give up on their dreams, especially where singing and dancing were concerned. So knowing that Sam still had the music in his heart, it made my heart full. I may not have actually loved him the way I had tried convincing myself of so long ago, but I still wanted the best for him and it looked like I was getting my wish.

I finally came clean to all of my family and friends about who I was. What I had been so afraid of when I was going through all of the agony of confusion back then, I quickly found out had been for nought. They accepted me now, just as they had accepted me then, with open arms and with open hearts and I couldn't have been more happy about it. I was a bi-sexual man, it was the real me, or at least a very small part of the real me and it was who I planned on being for the rest of my time on this planet. There really had been no going back that day in the hospital and truth be told, with the weight off my shoulders I could move on and really be happy and without a care in the world and it wouldn't have been possible had it not been for the woman that I met that day in the choir room. I owe her more then I can ever possibly explain.

I was in love with her then of course, but secretly denying it. With as confused as I had been just coming to terms with the fact that I was bi-sexual, I wasn't at all ready to admit that I wasn't just falling for her but that I had fallen for her. Period. She didn't waste any time in getting me to that place though. The place where I finally admit to her and myself what I had been trying to move slowly with. We had fallen in love. Maybe it was faster then most people, maybe it wasn't but it didn't make it any less real. It was real to us and from the moment the words flowed out, and we admitted how we really felt to each other, it only got better from there.

Cheryl went back to OSU the minute her doctor cleared her enough for travel, though this time she didn't go alone. I drove her. I didn't go with her to stay, but I wanted to make sure that she made it back okay. Call me paranoid or a worry wort, but I wasn't taking any more chances with her life and the life that I imagined for us in our minds. We both knew that even with a short distance such as OSU and Lima, we'd have to work harder to make sure we didn't break, but we were both determined, me even more so then her. I had been down the road of giving in too early and I wasn't prepared to ever make that mistake again.

We talked on the phone every night, texted throughout the day, no matter what we found ourselves doing and we even made a habit of skying. Yes she wasn't all that far from me but I wanted to make this work and for the first few weeks after she went back to school, I was finding it hard to live without her. Seeing her had become an everyday thing and not having that, I found myself searching for every way possible to make sure I did see her and again it only strengthened us.

Which brings me to where I found myself now. After spending the day on a full fledged hunt, I believed I had finally found the one I'd been looking for. It reminded me of her in every way possible, and I was positive that she would love it. She wasn't a material girl, nor was I a material guy but you only got the chance to do this right one time in your life, maybe twice and in my case I wanted this one time to be perfect in every way because it was going to be my first and last attempt at it.

I was going to ask her to marry me. It had been five years in the making. It hadn't been an easy five years as our lives had been going off in two separate directions but the both of us were nothing if not determined so we weathered every storm we faced together. Where five years ago we would have run from the hard stuff, this time, we ran toward each other and with just the right amount of communication, it just clicked.

I had just completed a very long but successful run in the _Rodgers + Hammerstein's Cinderella_ and finally had a few weeks off before going on the road again for another play. It had also come to my attention recently that I'd been nominated for a Tony for my role in the play and as much as I couldn't wait to share that with Cheryl, I knew it was going to come secondary to my first piece of business. Making her my wife, once and for all.

The stage had been set. Dinner was cooked (thanks Kurt!) and placed. I had the ring in my pocket, taking it out every two minutes or so in an effort to make sure it was still there and the room was almost drowning in flowers. All different types though I heard through the grapevine (thanks Ryder) that her favourite was Carnations so the majority of the flower shops in the town were now dry thanks to my buying ability.

Everything was perfect. Just the way I wanted it and the way I hoped Cheryl would imagine it happening in her mind. She was coming back into town for another weekly visit with Ryder and another weekend visit with me so the timing couldn't be more perfect. Now all she had to do was say yes.

I watched her as she walked into the apartment. I had long since given her a key, to allow her to enter whenever she needed and wanted too, even if she was just needing a school break and wanted a quiet place to think. She took in the sight of all of the flowers around her, and as her eyes scanned over the entire room, they finally fell on the place where I had been hiding.

She smiled then, causing my heart to melt. In the five years since we had gotten together and even in the time period before it, her smile had always done this to me. It was nice to know that as time passed, some things, the most important ones didn't change. This was definitely one of the sensations I wanted to feel well into being a senior citizen. She began to make her way over to me, to which I met her halfway, wrapping my arms around her, never wanting to let her go.

"What is all this?"

"It's for you pumpkin. I wanted to surprise you."

She laughed and much like her smile, the laugh made my stomach do somersaults. It was like listening to the most melodic music and it never ceased to make me react.

"Well consider me surprised. Wow. I mean you really went all out?"

I kissed her then, deeply but quick, pulling away, knowing the way I wanted it to all go down in my head and not wanting to let anything, even hormones get in the way of that. Laying a gentle kiss on her nose, I took her by the hand and led the way into the dining room, where the food was waiting for us, along with a table full of carnations, made of white.

"I'm dating the most wonderful, kind hearted and beautiful woman in the world. Why wouldn't I go all out for her?"

Smiling again, I motioned for her to sit and she did as I asked. Once she was seated and comfortable, I knew it was now or never. I got down on one knee, never taking my eyes off of her as I did, and I pulled the ring box from my pocket. She gasped then and I couldn't do anything but smile.

"Blaine what are you doing?"

"Cheryl Lynn. I've loved you from the very first moment I saw you that day in the choir room and we've been through hell and back to get where we are now. There's nothing I would want to change but there's one more thing we have yet to do together and before any time passes, I want to do it. With you. You changed my life pretty much that very first day and you've been changing it every day since, in the most beautiful ways. So would you do me the honour of being my wife? Will you marry me?"

She was crying now. Something she always did when the emotion in the room ran too high. It was one of the things I had learned about her as time had gone on in our relationship and while most people can't handle the emotional type of girl that she was, it was in those types of moments that I knew I really loved her, every single part of her because even when she was emotional, she was beautiful. I wiped a tear as it began to slide from her eyes and I allowed myself to get down on both of my knees, her hands in mine, now more able to look her in the eyes.

"I love you Cher. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I would do that anyway, with or without a marriage, because to me we're already joined but I want to make it official. I want to wake up next to Mrs Cheryl Anderson every morning for the rest of my life. So I ask you again, will you marry me?"

She threw her arms around me then, nodding profusely, tightening her grip around my neck with each passing second. Not wanting to let me go, just as much as I never wanted to let her go.

"You're gonna have to speak up baby."

"Yes Blaine. Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes. I will marry you."

It hadn't ended that night when she said yes. No in fact it just became bigger and better. We were married alright. We married almost a year later, in New York where Kurt both served as my best man and her maid of honour Two roles he took very seriously.

Life really had come full circle for me. I had started all of this as a confused little boy and the day I pledged my love for her in our vows I knew that not only had I become a husband, I had also grown up and become the strong secure man that I was meant to be and now, I had the most loving woman by my side to guide me through what was left of this life.

Everything really does end up okay when you're true to yourself. I'm living proof.


End file.
